Updated: June 10, 2021
Originally Published: May 2, 2016
As a child, I never cherished Sundays. Rather than enjoying a leisurely morning, I was up at dawn armed with furniture polish, tackling an enormous wooden dining table that could seat an army. It felt like the size of a small bus and had an impressive 16 chairs. By the time I finished waxing, the table was so shiny you could practically ice skate on it!
My cleaning duties didn’t stop there. I also had to tackle a massive antique hutch, an old console TV topped with decades of family photos, and shelves filled with countless ceramic figurines. I would polish for hours until my hands were slick with lemony freshness, leaving me unable to turn the doorknob to escape. Afterward, I’d be hauling wood, raking the lawn, or cleaning up something—anything to contribute. Cleaning was a big family affair back then, and I thought I had it tough.
Fast forward to parenthood, and cleaning has morphed into an entirely different beast. It’s no longer the simple chore I once knew; it’s a wild science experiment that tests your resilience and ability to keep from gagging. The messes I encounter now are downright terrifying. Don’t believe me? Here are just a few of the delightful disasters created by my five adorable children:
- Crusty Underwear
I’ve found underwear with weeks-old dried poop stuck to it, hidden away in the back of closets under piles of toys and clean laundry. And it’s not just one pair—there are many, thanks to energetic kids who seem to hold it until the worst possible moment. No parenting guide prepares you for this kind of cleanup! - Trash Can Toilets
There’s nothing quite like discovering that the trash can has become a makeshift toilet because the bathroom was “too far” for a 5-year-old. Thank goodness for disinfectant spray! - Play-Doh’d Floors
If you’ve ever wanted to spend hours scraping hardened Play-Doh out of your floors, just have kids! They also find ways to embed it in your carpets and couches. And let’s not even mention the never-ending sand they bring in. - Smudged Windows
If you come across a house that’s windowless, buy it! I spend half my day wiping away handprints and smeared food from glass surfaces. After five kids, the charm of tiny fingerprints wears thin. - Under the Couch Cushions
Regular vacuuming under couch cushions is wise—checking daily is even wiser. Expect to find crushed ramen noodles, empty chip bags, and half-eaten apples that have seen better days. Make sure to wear gloves before diving into this treasure trove of trash! - Epic Spills
With kids, a little spill is nonexistent. We’re talking about entire gallons of milk spilled in the fridge and powdered coffee creamer used as finger paint! And don’t even get me started on rice soup being flung like confetti. - Sticky Gadgets
If you own a remote, tablet, or phone, prepare for them to be covered in goo. Kids are drawn to electronics, and when they get their grubby hands on them, you’ll be cleaning screens until you’re blue in the face. - Toothpaste Chaos
Toothpaste is essential for healthy teeth, but the way it gets dispensed is a nightmare. It ends up splattered everywhere—walls, cabinets, and floors—leaving you to scrape hardened gel off surfaces. Gross!
Just the other day, I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Turns out, it was just my toddlers tossing flour everywhere! Hang tight; there’s always another mess waiting to be cleaned up.
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Summary:
Cleaning up after kids can be a chaotic experience filled with unexpected messes. From crusty underwear to epic spills, the challenges of parenting often turn household chores into overwhelming tasks. However, amidst the chaos, there are resources available to help navigate both parenting and home insemination journeys.