As I sit here contemplating how to fund my 15-year-old’s hockey camp this summer (seriously, $500, plus I still have to cater to him at lunch?), I can’t help but think about the lack of truly beneficial camps for our kids. Sure, my son loves hockey, and since he’s my kid, I have to say he’s talented, but let’s face it—he’s no Wayne Gretzky. Spending my limited budget on something that might only become a casual hobby for him as an adult seems a bit foolish.
We should focus on essential life skills—things that will serve our kids well long after the carefree days of childhood have passed. Let’s equip them with knowledge that will help them forge friendships, attract partners, and score invites to holiday gatherings.
Because honestly, I think we can all agree that the secret to Bob and Karen’s happy marriage isn’t because Karen learned to ride a cranky horse named Caramel back in 1989. It’s because Bob knows how to fold towels and Karen understands what an HDMI cable actually is.
Instead of hockey camp, here are a few summer camp ideas that I would happily invest in:
1. Camp Close the Door
There’s an old saying about doors closing and windows opening, but in my house, no one knows how to close a door. Whether it’s the fridge door or the pantry, everything is left wide open like Chris Christie’s mouth at a Trump rally. At Camp Close the Door, kids will learn that closing doors is not just about keeping the AC in—it’s about maintaining order in the household.
2. Ikea Camp
Imagine kids spending their days in an Ikea, mastering the art of assembling furniture with only an Allen wrench and their own frustrations. They’ll decode the meaning behind quirky product names and learn how to whip up those famous meatballs. Future roommates will thank you for this investment.
3. Camp Cocktail
Don’t worry—no alcohol will be served to minors. However, kids will gain invaluable skills like how to salt a margarita rim without making a mess, opening tonic bottles without an explosion, and slicing limes like pros. Family movie nights will never be the same!
4. How Not to Be a Total Jerk on Social Media Camp
While Facebook may be “for adults,” let’s help our kids navigate social media with grace. This camp will cover topics like “Nobody Wants to See Your Feet” and “Reading Before Sharing Is Caring.” They’ll learn the art of viral video creation and how to structure snarky memes for maximum impact.
5. Camp Target
Kids will learn the nuances of shopping at Target. From navigating clearance aisles to timing their visits for the freshest popcorn, they’ll become Cartwheel ninjas. With skills in “stacking” discounts, you may finally enjoy a stress-free shopping trip!
6. Towel Camp
This camp is all about towel etiquette! Kids will learn the right way to fold towels, why using the same towel twice isn’t a crime, and the science behind why towels dry faster when hung up properly. Classes will cover appropriate towel uses and the importance of laundry.
7. Future Mommy Blogger Boot Camp
Let’s face it—there will come a time when we need someone to document our lives online. At this camp, kids will learn everything from crafting listicles to creating viral memes. They’ll tackle important topics like how to be a supportive partner in the world of blogging.
Please note that these camps are purely fictional, and you can’t sign up for them—at least not now. You won’t find early bird specials or scholarships. However, if you happen to find a camp like any of these, please let me know! Meanwhile, I’ll be figuring out which month we can skip meals so Mario Lemieux Junior can hit the ice.
In summary, instead of traditional summer camps that may not provide lasting benefits, consider alternative camps that teach essential life skills and fun knowledge. These creative ideas can help prepare kids for real-world challenges, making them far more worthwhile investments.