As a mom of three, I’ve never had the chance to enjoy a baby shower. My daughter entered the world in 1992, while I adopted my two sons from China in 2012 and 2013 when they were just two and three years old. Now, I find myself navigating life with a twenty-two-year-old and two energetic preschoolers. Yes, I’m aware of the age gap, and let’s just say my household is a whirlwind of activity!
When I was pregnant with my daughter, complications during the later stages of my pregnancy meant I had to forgo the traditional shower experience. I received gifts and cards, but I missed out on the excitement of a “diaper cake” crafted from Pampers and baby washcloths. I admit, I envy those creative souls who make it look so effortless. The absence of “ooohs” and “aaahs” as I unwrapped pink-ribboned gifts was a letdown. There was no sherbet punch in my honor, nor did I get to participate in the classic diaper pin game (which, by the way, is all about not saying the word “baby”).
When my sons arrived home, there was no grand celebration either. I can count the number of gifts and cards we received on two hands. It’s not that we lack friends or that people don’t like us—at least, I hope they do—but there seems to be a perception that adoption is somehow different.
When a woman is expecting a child, the world showers her with attention. We’re quick to inquire about her well-being, sometimes even sharing horror stories about pregnancies gone wrong. Yet, these interactions are generally positive, filled with compliments about her “glow.” Once the baby arrives, gifts, flowers, and food deliveries come pouring in.
But adoption? That’s a whole different ballgame.
Not everyone views adding a child through adoption as a reason to celebrate. Sure, the diaper pin game might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but why aren’t adoption showers more common? An adoptive mother-to-be is just as much a mom as anyone else. While she may not be dealing with swollen ankles, she’s juggling excitement, stress, and anxiety about the transition ahead. She has a dizzying list of tasks to complete before the big day and is already contemplating how to balance her new child’s needs with the rest of her life.
When we first brought our son home from China, I was asked by a neighbor to help organize meals for a new mom. This was after we had just returned home with our two-year-old, and let me tell you, it felt like a slap in the face. The reality was, we had received zero meals when we arrived home. My son was still figuring out who I was, and I was barely keeping my head above water.
One month after our second adoption, I attended a lavish baby shower for three of my coworkers. My “new baby” was three years old, and while I understood this wasn’t the same situation, it still stung to be overlooked. I tried to put on a brave face, but after just five minutes, I bolted from the celebration, overwhelmed and in tears. My colleagues didn’t mean to exclude me; they just didn’t see me as a new mom. It was awkward and painful.
These moments, whether intentional or not, hit hard. It’s not about wanting presents or cake (even though I have a soft spot for cake). It’s about recognizing a significant milestone and celebrating the growth of families. To this day, I feel pangs of envy and sadness when I receive baby shower invitations. If only my friends had known how meaningful a celebration would have been for me, things could have been different.
So, the next time someone you know announces they’re adopting, keep in mind that this journey is intentional and often fraught with challenges. The paperwork can be overwhelming, and the emotional toll is significant. Treat this milestone with the same enthusiasm and support you would offer an expectant mother. Ask genuine questions, but avoid the clichés and comments about her figure. You never know the struggles she might have faced to get to this point.
A family welcoming a child to love forever is certainly worthy of celebration, even if that child isn’t a newborn. So why not throw a little cake and maybe even a balloon or two into the mix? The diaper pin game? That’s totally optional.
For additional insights on adoption and parenting journeys, check out our post on the topic here. And if you’re considering at-home insemination options, Make a Mom offers quality kits for your fertility journey. For more comprehensive information about different insemination methods, visit this excellent resource from the Cleveland Clinic here.
In summary, let’s embrace and celebrate all family-building journeys, recognizing that each path is unique and deserving of joy.
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