Updated: April 29, 2023
Originally Published: April 29, 2023
My 6-year-old seems to need a bathroom break every 15 minutes. Like someone who’s pregnant, I’ve memorized the locations of every restroom we visit. And if my eldest doesn’t need to go, my 4-year-old is usually squirming and complaining. I know I should be more understanding—really. Just five minutes ago, we took a bathroom break, and now I have to wrangle both of them along with their 2-year-old brother into a restroom, all while keeping the baby from touching every surface. Empathy tends to run low in these moments.
This scenario played out repeatedly, with my toddler treating the bathroom walls like his personal canvas and the older boys darting into other stalls. Eventually, I threw my hands up in frustration, pointed to the family restroom at the store, and said, “Okay, go ahead. Lucas, take Ethan with you.”
And they went. I trust they pulled down their little pants, did their business, and washed their hands without turning the restroom into a disaster zone. It felt like a milestone had been reached.
They prefer the men’s room, and I always remind them: “If someone tries to talk to you or touch you, scream as loud as you can.” They nod, acknowledging my sensible advice, and dash into the urinal-filled space. Often they sneak in before I can catch them, and while I like to be nearby, I often feel uneasy about them being in there alone—even if I’m just outside the door.
So I have them use the women’s restroom. Yes, women can be predators, but statistics show that the likelihood of that is significantly lower than someone swiping items from my shopping cart while I’m busy with the boys. I can keep an eye on the baby without worrying about him rolling on the floor, and I don’t have to awkwardly wait while they navigate their bathroom routine.
Many people think I’m crazy for letting my 6- and 4-year-olds go into public restrooms by themselves. They worry they might be harmed, vandalize the place, or not wash their hands properly. I, however, don’t share these fears. I just make sure their hands are wet after they come out.
I always send my boys in together, and while this occasionally leads to complaints about wanting to use the men’s room (not happening), I stay close, often hovering or keeping a watchful eye on the entrance if we’re in a restaurant. If they take too long, I call out, and that usually means they’re dealing with a bigger issue. My boys know better than to misbehave, and importantly, they’re not at risk of harm.
Now, some might raise concerns about transgender individuals in women’s restrooms. They worry about my small, vulnerable boys encountering someone who might want to harm them. However, research shows that there have been zero documented cases of transgender people attacking anyone in public restrooms. In fact, I believe a trans woman would be more inclined to help my child reach the soap than cause them any harm. The real danger is minimal, which is why it makes sense for me to allow my kids to use the restroom independently.
No, they won’t be harmed—regardless of who is in the restroom with them. Some may never accept this reality and will insist on the potential dangers, believing it’s safer to keep them close until they’re much older. But I see it differently; I’m not failing as a parent because I trust statistics.
This approach not only benefits me but also empowers my children. They don’t have a parent hovering over them while they pee; they gain a sense of bodily autonomy, independence, and responsibility. Allowing them to navigate public restrooms alone is part of their growth, and for that, I’m grateful.
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In summary, letting my kids use public restrooms alone has been a significant step in their independence and responsibility. While some may have concerns, I trust that this experience is helping them grow, and I feel confident in my decision.