I’ve identified as pro-choice for nearly my entire adult life, yet I’ve also grappled with discomfort around the concept of abortion. In my earlier years, the thought of someone I knew making the decision to terminate a pregnancy made me uneasy. For a long time, I held the belief that abortions should be “safe, legal, and rare”—a perspective many feminists argue misses the essence of reproductive rights. I understood the arguments, yet my feelings remained unchanged.
Then, I found myself pregnant.
This pregnancy was planned and deeply desired. It was a dream I had nurtured for years. As a queer woman married to another individual with a uterus, we had to navigate a unique path to conception. While trying to get pregnant, I often wondered if my experience would alter my pro-choice stance. Would I feel differently once I became a mother? Many mothers I knew who were anti-abortion pointed to their own childbirth experiences as the catalyst for their views.
But after just two months of trying, I took a digital pregnancy test, trying to temper my excitement. The result was unmistakable: pregnant.
Two days later, I was overcome with nausea.
Though I quickly found love for the developing fetus, the experience of being pregnant did not diminish my pro-choice beliefs. On the contrary, it solidified my conviction that everyone who can become pregnant has the right to make decisions about their body. My previous uncertainty about reproductive rights vanished. I became passionately pro-choice.
Let Me Explain
Even an “easy” pregnancy can be incredibly challenging. My own was far from easy; it was more like an unending trial. I was so ill that merely functioning became a monumental task, and just when I thought I had hit rock bottom, things would worsen.
While I cherished the idea of being pregnant, I didn’t enjoy the process itself. Pregnancy invades your body in ways that strip you of control. During one particularly brutal day, after a painful episode of vomiting, I turned to my partner and exclaimed, “No one should endure this unless they fully want to! I don’t care what their reasons are!”
In that moment, everything clicked. I realized I didn’t care about the debates surrounding when life begins or whether a fetus is a “baby.” I was struck by the harsh reality that pregnancy can be a grueling experience.
If you believe in bodily autonomy, then people should have the choice to consent—or not—to the process of carrying a pregnancy. No exceptions. It’s a straightforward idea that should not be controversial. It is wrong to compel anyone to remain pregnant against their will.
Having endured the trials of pregnancy, I now shudder at the implications of anti-choice rhetoric. A wanted pregnancy is tough enough; I can’t fathom the heartache of one that’s unwanted.
To put it plainly: Pregnancy is hard work, and it’s not something everyone is—or should be—prepared for. While I navigated my own pregnancy, each day was a struggle. I awoke hoping for a different experience, yet each day felt the same. What kept me going was the knowledge that my child was healthy and growing, and soon I would become a mother. The thought of facing all of that without wanting the life inside you is a cruelty beyond comprehension.
Today, I’m blessed with a beautiful baby who brings me joy every day. Watching him grow and learn has surpassed anything I could have envisioned, and I’m grateful for the steps I took to welcome him into my life.
I now embrace a pro-choice stance without reservations about how rare I think abortions should be. If you find yourself facing an unwanted pregnancy and feel the need to terminate for any reason, know that I’m on your side. It took me a while to come to this understanding, but I’m here now.
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In Summary
My pregnancy reaffirmed my pro-choice beliefs, highlighting the importance of bodily autonomy and the reality that not everyone is prepared for the challenges of carrying a pregnancy. The experience has transformed my understanding of reproductive rights and strengthened my commitment to support those facing similar choices.