It all starts with that familiar excitement. “Congratulations on your pregnancy! How wonderful!” I smile and nod, trying to manage that glowing but slightly queasy expression that seems to have become my signature look. The conversation typically flows to the baby’s gender, due date, and potential names. But then, it veers into a territory filled with judgment and unsolicited opinions.
“Have you thought about how you’ll give birth?” or my personal favorite, “What’s your birth plan?” Anyone who has ever experienced childbirth knows these questions are often pointless. I’ve yet to meet anyone whose delivery unfolded exactly as envisioned; that’s why I usually brush off these queries, especially from those who have never been through it. But it’s the parents who have had children that can be the most challenging.
For some reason—often because they had a natural birth themselves—certain women seem determined to push others toward this “natural” ideal. I can’t help but wonder what drives this need. Is there a secret club I’m unaware of? Will I soon receive an invitation for a Facebook event about birthing essentials like aromatherapy or breathing exercises?
I’m exhausted by the constant questions about my delivery plans. First off, why does it matter to you? Secondly, I’m not here to satisfy your curiosity. You’re hoping to hear about my Lamaze classes and Kegel routines, but the truth is, I want an epidural. As soon as I share this preference, the atmosphere shifts dramatically, and you look at me with a combination of disgust, disappointment, and pity.
“Oh, I see,” you say, dripping with condescension. “Have you thought about natural alternatives?” And then you really push it: “Your body is designed for this. You should embrace it.”
Let’s pause right there. That’s crossing a line. If that’s your argument, you might as well take a seat in the corner and have a chat with my son’s timeout chair. My body is capable of many things—like enduring menopause and, ultimately, dying. Should I embrace those too?
You continue, “Women have been having babies since the dawn of time. Anesthesia is a modern invention. Our ancestors survived labor without it!” Have you met my great-grandmother? Are you seriously suggesting she would have turned down an epidural just because it wasn’t “natural”? Back to the timeout chair with you!
The only way I might end up having a natural birth is if I can’t get to the hospital in time, if the anesthesiologist is unavailable, or if my partner resorts to some bizarre method of restraint, shouting, “No epidural today!” I mean, anything can happen. As I’ve said, childbirth rarely goes according to plan, and labor can make people act a little irrationally.
At the end of the day, this is my baby’s arrival, and I’m just a crucial guest. I truly admire those who have natural births, I do. Having already experienced childbirth, I can attest to the overwhelming agony that made me cry out in defeat, begging for an end to the pain. I couldn’t imagine navigating that without an epidural; those who do baffle me.
While I sometimes entertain the fantasy that my second experience will be less intense, I see no reason to bypass the advancements in medical technology available to us today. Life throws enough challenges my way; I don’t need to add this to the list.
There are countless aspects of motherhood to embrace, but for me, intentionally skipping the epidural isn’t one of them. I guess my body just wasn’t designed for that in the same way as yours.
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Summary
This piece discusses the societal pressures surrounding birth plans, particularly the preference for natural births. The author shares personal experiences and emphasizes the importance of individual choice in childbirth, advocating for the use of modern medical options like epidurals.