“Breast is Best” — it’s a phrase that ignites the fiercest debates among new moms. Honestly, I had no idea about these so-called “Mommy Wars” until I found myself frantically searching for answers about breastfeeding online. Let me tell you, the internet can be a treacherous place for a mom questioning her commitment to breastfeeding.
To give you some context, here’s how I responded to my close friend who asked, during my first week of motherhood, “How’s it going?”
Exhausting. My little one is on the breast non-stop, so much so that I’ve forgotten to put them away. My husband, Mark, probably wishes he could unsee them. She wriggles around like they’re a chew toy, and when Mark asked me if I was feeding her strawberry milk, I snapped back, “No, genius, that’s blood. From my sore nipples.” She refuses to sleep anywhere but on our chests, and even then, she only gives me 15 minutes at a time. She has gas all day but won’t poop. My hormones are all over the place; I cried over finally taking a shower (and I’m not even a shower fan), and then I cried because the house still smelled like breakfast. Seriously, what is happening?
But then, she’ll give me this cross-eyed look, or Mark will rush to her side whenever she cries, or my older daughter, Lily, will surprise me with a kiss. In those moments, I realize I’ve completely lost my cool, and she has turned my world upside down.
I was a hot mess. Breastfeeding consumed me not just physically, but emotionally as well. Her impressive head control made for poor latching, and it wasn’t just the pain, blisters, and open wounds that made me question the idea of “the most natural feeding.” It was the emotional toll. I felt disconnected from her. I worried about her bonding with Mark. I was never sure if she was actually satisfied after feeding. Honestly, during those breastfeeding sessions, I found myself struggling to like her, which left me in tears for most of the day and night.
I had vowed while pregnant not to stress about breastfeeding. I was formula-fed, and I turned out just fine! My original goal was to breastfeed because it’s economical and might help me lose some baby weight. Yet, when it came time to nurse, I became obsessed with getting it right. I lost myself—all because of my breasts.
At the two-week mark, I’d had enough. I threw in the towel. I packed away the nipple pads, creams, pumps, and bras. I invested in some formula and shook up a bottle of the good stuff. She drank exactly 2 ounces and slept for 3 hours straight. I stopped crying, and so did she. Mark even canceled his plans to escape to Mexico. It was the best decision for our little family.
I adore this tiny human now, and my heart feels like it could burst with love. I have no doubt she will be just fine. In fact, when she’s 20, off to college, enjoying Busch Light and Taco Bell, those antibodies she missed out on from breastmilk won’t matter a bit.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, consider checking out some of our other posts, like this one on home insemination. And for anyone on a fertility journey, Make A Mom offers valuable insights. For more information about pregnancy and home insemination, you can visit News Medical, which is an excellent resource.
In summary, the journey of breastfeeding can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to seek alternatives if it doesn’t work for you. Embrace your choices and give yourself grace during this intense time of adjustment. Motherhood is a wild ride, but it’s also filled with moments of pure love.