Alright, I’ll go first. My 3-and-a-half-year-old just started sleeping through the night. Yep, you read that correctly—3 and a half years, not months.
Some of you might think that’s insane, but I know there are just as many of you out there nodding along and perhaps saying, “Same here!” and maybe, “Thank you.” When I was expecting my first child, if anyone had told me it would take years for my baby to sleep through the night, I simply would not have believed them. Like many new parents, I bought into the notion that there was a brief period of sleepless nights to endure. After all, that’s the stereotype; it’s what we all expect.
I thought the sleepless nights would last just a few months, and then I’d reclaim those blissful nights of rest I used to enjoy before pregnancy took over my life. I was so very wrong.
When my little one finally arrived, I was, of course, exhausted. And while I anticipated the lack of sleep, I was still caught off guard by the overwhelming fatigue. I felt like a character from The Walking Dead, but with milk leaking from my breasts. It was surreal and frightening to be that drained all the time.
As we approached the three-month mark, I remember asking my mom when the sleep situation would improve. “Oh, I remember you sleeping through the night at three months,” she said. Well, that milestone came and went, and while I noticed my baby sleeping a bit more at night rather than in tiny chunks during the day, he definitely wasn’t sleeping through the night. He woke every few hours to nurse. And then came the dreaded four-month sleep regression, which had him waking me up hourly, literally kicking me in the face.
Somehow, I survived the first year. There were moments when my son would sleep for three or four-hour stretches, which I could handle, but then there were times he was up every hour, and I honestly thought I might collapse from exhaustion.
I was never one for sleep training, but whenever I attempted gentle nudges towards independent sleep, it only seemed to make matters worse. Neither of my children took to the “cry a little, then fall asleep” approach; for them, it was more like “scream for ten hours straight and don’t stop,” which was not an option for me.
When my firstborn turned one, I hoped that would be the magical age when sleep would improve. It did, somewhat. There were more longer stretches of sleep, but “through the night” was still out of reach. I asked my mom again, “Are you sure I started sleeping through the night at three months?”
“Oh no, that’s when your colic ended. You didn’t sleep through the night until you were two or three—maybe not even then. I have no idea.” I suspect all parents of sleepless kids tend to block out those memories, so I understand my mom’s confusion. Plus, she probably wanted to shield me from the reality of my own sleepless nights. But honestly, when she finally told me the truth, I felt a wave of relief. I wished she had shared it sooner—it would have saved me a lot of unnecessary stress.
I know that some parents are lucky enough to have what I call “rainbow unicorn sleepers.” You know the type. You can place them in their cribs “drowsy but awake,” and they magically drift off to dreamland on clouds of glitter. But for the rest of us with mediocre to downright terrible sleepers, a little honesty about baby sleep would go a long way.
The reality is this: Most babies don’t sleep through the night (meaning 10 to 12 hours without waking) for many months—some even take years. There’s no “normal” since every baby varies greatly, much like learning to walk or talk. Some babies take to sleep training easily, while others just refuse to sleep no matter what you try.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t feel guilty. You’re not doing anything wrong. Some kids simply take longer to bloom when it comes to sleep. And most importantly, don’t worry. Eventually, all kids learn to sleep through the night.
When my second child came along, I was armed with the truth about baby sleep, so coping with everything—including the sleep deprivation—was easier. I accepted that it was okay to feel like a zombie sometimes. I knew it was fine to serve mac and cheese for dinner every night for a month, and I was determined to sleep in every weekend and sneak in naps whenever I could.
Above all, I understood that this phase would pass. My second child—the 3-and-a-half-year-old who just started sleeping through the night—still pops up occasionally to ask for water or to inquire about corn muffins (yes, you can have one in the morning, now please go back to sleep!). But for the most part, he sleeps, and it’s truly wonderful to have children who sleep through the night.
Still, I often lie awake at night worrying about my kids. Just wait until they hit their teenage years, and I’m up all night waiting for them to come home. And then a few years after that, when I’m concerned if they’ll land good jobs and find happiness.
Sigh. The truth about parenting is that once you become a parent, you’ll probably never sleep soundly again. But you get used to it—and your kids are cute enough to make it (almost) worth it.
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In summary, the journey of sleep for babies is often unpredictable and varies widely. The myth of the three-month mark is just that—a myth. Most parents will experience sleepless nights for much longer, but understanding and accepting this can help ease the burden.