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Why My Kids Benefit from My Imperfections
by Olivia Martin
April 13, 2023
This morning, I dropped my 8-year-old off at school, and the last thing I noticed was a small hole in the middle of her shirt and a head full of messy, tangled hair. We recently had an unexpected visit from head lice, which has led to a complete halt on any hairbrush usage in our home.
A few weeks ago, head lice spread through our school district, latching onto any little girl with beautiful long locks, much to the dismay of every well-meaning mother. After an intense effort to eliminate those pesky intruders, I still hadn’t made it to the store for new grooming supplies. So, here we are, dealing with quite a bit of tangled hair in our household. Parenting is all about sacrifices, right?
Next, I dropped off my 5-year-old at preschool, and she was proudly adorned with wilting magenta and teal feathers in her hair—all her own design—held in place with a pipe cleaner. As I was leaving, I overheard another mom excitedly announce, “It’s picture day today! We’re so thrilled!”
I’ll admit I was aware it was picture day—sort of, in a distracted, overwhelmed kind of way. Of course, the mom announcing it had her child perfectly groomed in brand new clothes, sporting a curly ponytail tied with a matching bow (seriously, where do you even find those?). Meanwhile, I had one kid already in class with a ripped shirt and the other with feathers in her hair and chocolate milk stains on her cheek. This is what my parenting looks like: a chaotic blend of life’s little mishaps. The kids are alive and well, don’t get me wrong; they even seem to be thriving despite their unmatched socks (this is not an exaggeration).
I came across the above excerpt from my writing files, and it struck me how much has changed in five years. My daughters have outgrown the tangled hair phase (thank goodness), and we’ve been lice-free since then (thank you!). Yet, I still embrace my imperfections (those mismatched socks are still around).
Last night, my eldest, now 12, had a meltdown over the thought of moving out in a few years. I realized this was a prime moment for me to comfort her and reassure her that she’d likely be excited to leave the nest when the time comes. I kept reminding myself of this while taking deep breaths, but honestly, I was so exhausted. After a busy weekend, I just wanted to unwind in silence, scrolling through my phone.
Instead of seizing the moment to foster a meaningful conversation about her future, I found myself saying, “It’s OK, sweetie, it’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about that. Now, can you please brush your teeth and get ready for bed?” (Translation: “Hypothetical worries aren’t real problems! Please let me have five minutes of peace!”).
I missed the mark. Just like picture day. I see other moms on social media who seem to have everything figured out. They can take their five kids to the park while simultaneously writing a blog post. Some moms even have the time and energy to organize enriching activities like after-school clubs. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to avoid the warning letters from school about chronic tardiness or shooing my daughter off my lap because her elbows are digging into me.
I admire (and yes, I’m a bit envious of) those supermoms who manage to do what I can’t. But in my own life, do those things really matter? Do I need to uphold a certain standard of perfection each week? Am I expected to be available for every enriching activity or deep conversation? I used to think so, believing that well-groomed hair and sage advice could prevent my children from facing any hardships.
I’ve come to realize that the imperfections in their home life actually prepare them to handle disappointments outside. It’s a learning experience for all of us. I’m embracing my flaws, and they’re learning to take care of their own needs. At least they can rest assured that when they eventually step out into the world, mismatched socks and all, they’ll be ready for it.
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In summary, embracing my imperfections not only helps me cope but teaches my children valuable life lessons. They are learning resilience and independence in a chaotic world, and that’s a win for all of us!