In today’s world, breastfeeding in public sparks a lot of debate. People generally fall into one of three camps: 1) Only breastfeed behind closed doors; 2) Breastfeed in public with a cover-up; and 3) Breastfeed anywhere, anytime. I identify with the third group as a member of society, but as a breastfeeding mother, I often lean towards the first group’s approach. Am I embarrassed? Not at all, but my priority is feeding my child, and honestly, I prefer not to expose my breasts just as much as you might not want to see them. After years of covering up, it feels strange to display them, and I certainly don’t want anyone to react negatively, especially when it comes to parts of my body that I usually keep hidden. I’ve navigated the challenges of body image in my youth, and I’m not eager to revisit that as an adult.
While volunteering for a school fundraiser with my older daughter, I chose to take breaks in my car to feed my newborn son. Nursing in front of my daughter’s friends and their parents felt uncomfortable—not due to any judgment from them, but simply because it didn’t align with my comfort level. I don’t believe I could breastfeed in public without attracting unwanted attention. I’m not interested in being the subject of others’ stares. For me, breastfeeding in public feels like the proverbial elephant in the room. I prefer to nurse in the presence of family and friends who won’t judge me. Would I like to live in a more accepting society? Absolutely, but I’m not ready to be the one challenging societal norms about when and where a woman can show her breasts.
My focus is on this precious time with my child. Infancy is fleeting, and breastfeeding is a unique bond between us. If you can’t appreciate this connection without feeling uncomfortable, then I’d rather keep it private. I can control that much. Plus, any infant who can use their arms will inevitably pull a blanket off their face, making covers impractical. I’ve even thought about crafting a “breast coozy,” similar to those used for cans, to keep my breast warm. However, I doubt it would satisfy the expectations of those who are quick to judge.
I hear activists urging women not to hide and to breastfeed in public to help normalize it. A part of me wants to take that bold step, fearing my reluctance only adds to the stigma. Yet, when I go out to dinner with my family, I often make sure to feed the baby beforehand. When I see him getting fussier, I scan the restaurant for potential disapproving onlookers, wishing we were seated in a more secluded spot. Eventually, I go to the car for my nursing pillow, only to find my baby has fallen asleep by the time I return, which provides relief.
Do I think breasts are over-sexualized in our culture? It’s a complicated issue. Breasts are sexual organs, but they also serve the vital purpose of nourishing my child. Which came first—the need to feed a baby or the admiration of a woman’s breasts? Can we not view them differently in this context? One of my favorite depictions is a statue at the Our Lady of La Leche shrine in St. Augustine, Florida, showing the Virgin Mary breastfeeding baby Jesus. If the embodiment of innocence can be honored for this act, why is public breastfeeding still so contentious?
When I see another woman nursing in public, I admire her courage and wish I could express my support. I often click “like” on breastfeeding images online and take numerous breastfeeding selfies, affectionately known as #brelfies, to capture these intimate moments, though I share them selectively. I am that mom who prefers to find a dressing room or retreat to my car for a quiet moment to feed my child. Until society becomes more accepting, I’m not ready to turn my breastfeeding sessions into a public spectacle. However, I am grateful to those who are.
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Summary
Breastfeeding in public remains a controversial topic, often leading women to choose more private settings for nursing. While some advocate for normalizing breastfeeding anywhere and everywhere, many mothers, like me, prefer to find a calm, private space to bond with their babies. As we navigate societal expectations and personal comfort, there’s a need for greater acceptance of breastfeeding in public.