Hello there! I’m on a journey of healing from food addiction. For years, I struggled with everything that came with it: dependence on food, a skewed body image, emotional turmoil, endless diets, and cycles of binge eating. I was so consumed by my own insecurities that I would often ask random people, “Am I bigger than her?” or “Do I look okay in this outfit?” I had a relentless habit of avoiding mirrors and would cringe at the thought of seeing my own reflection. My life revolved around my relationship with food, which I often used as a crutch for self-esteem. However, that all began to change.
In March 2014, a year after my mother passed away, I found myself at my heaviest weight. It was a wake-up call. I had to make a choice: accept this new reality or take action. So, on an ordinary Thursday, I decided to take control. I downloaded a home workout program, cleared out my pantry of junk food, and started meal prepping. Within a few months, I lost 30 pounds and dropped four jean sizes. I was committed to exercising daily, learning about nutrition, and embracing a healthier lifestyle. It was exhilarating! But despite my physical changes, my self-image remained unchanged. I still couldn’t look at myself without feeling a wave of disappointment.
As I continued my journey, I hoped to become pregnant someday soon. To my surprise, I did get pregnant! However, the road was not easy. The fertility hormones caused me to gain weight before I even conceived. Then came the first trimester, where cravings for carbs and sugar made it hard to stick to my healthy routine. I felt the old self-hate creeping back as I struggled to maintain my weight. It was an internal battle, but I had to prioritize my baby’s health over my own insecurities.
When I discovered I was having a daughter, everything shifted. My past experiences flooded my mind, and I realized I wanted to raise her in a way that spared her from the same body image struggles I faced. I knew I had to model self-love and confidence. I began to look at myself differently, even smiling at my reflection and appreciating the person staring back at me.
I reassessed my eating habits. I needed to break the cycle of using food as a reward, realizing that I deserved better. I aimed to adopt an active lifestyle that felt effortless and enjoyable, and I wanted to do this in a way that wouldn’t impose my struggles on my daughter. I had to find a balance, and I had seven months to figure it out.
Gradually, my perspective transformed. The anxiety over pregnancy weight gain faded; I found myself less fixated on my size and more focused on nurturing my baby. I started accepting my body—flaws and all—because the most important thing was ensuring my baby was healthy.
While I’m not claiming to have reached complete self-acceptance or that my journey is over, I can say that my daughter is already changing me for the better. For the first time, I can genuinely say, “I accept myself as I am.” I’m committed to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, not just for me, but for her too.
In summary, pregnancy has been a transformative experience, pushing me toward self-acceptance in ways I never anticipated. As I embrace this new chapter, I’m learning to love myself more each day, flaws included.
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