Parenting is a journey filled with ups and downs, and after nearly a decade of being a dad, I’ve learned a thing or two that no one ever told me. People spoke in glowing terms about the joy of parenthood, sharing tales of cuddles and the occasional sleepless night, but they skipped over some of the crazier realities. Here’s a list of 26 things I wish I’d known before diving into the wild world of parenting. Hopefully, this helps you navigate the beautiful chaos.
- If your child goes to bed two hours late, be prepared to wake up two hours earlier.
- About 90% of parenting involves negotiating over clothing, personal hygiene, and the right way to cut toast.
- The fact that shoes come in pairs is just a cruel joke played on parents.
- In the hands of a toddler, one granola bar can wreak havoc on your car’s interior.
- Modern parenting largely revolves around keeping kids away from smartphones.
- Expect discussions about poop to far outnumber games of peekaboo.
- You can never have too many wet wipes—seriously, stock up.
- After parenting, you’ll feel ready to manage a nudist colony.
- A significant portion of parenting is yelling at your kids because they’re yelling.
- Poop does not easily flush down a bathtub drain—trust me.
- Everything is going to be sticky, so just embrace it.
- A 20-minute debate will result in a two-minute teeth-brushing session.
- Forcing a child to taste one bite of burrito can feel like a monumental disaster.
- No one will be more fascinated by your bathroom habits than your kids.
- One of the proudest moments is when your child can get up on their own, turn on the TV, and pour their cereal.
- Kids love to assert their independence until it comes time to pay the bills.
- The quickest way to grab a child’s attention is to start a YouTube video or head to the bathroom.
- It is somehow legal to drive on the freeway with a screaming toddler in tow.
- Milestones include learning to use the toilet and wipe their own bottoms.
- Somewhere between having kids and buying a minivan, you’ll find yourself reusing cottage cheese containers.
- No matter how frustrated you are, you’ll still crave those cuddles.
- Helping with homework is a blend of tedium and frustration, sprinkled with moments of success.
- Forget your college degree; it means nothing when you’re dealing with a 9-year-old.
- Bedtime routines can stretch to two hours and may require a Valium.
- Approaching your child with a comb feels like wielding a chainsaw.
- Even at 4 a.m., after three hours of wakefulness, your child can still look cute. It’s a survival tactic.
This list isn’t exhaustive—there’s so much more to discover when it comes to parenting. But these 26 truths should at least give you a head start on the love, frustration, and joy that define the parenting experience. For more insights on topics like home insemination, check out this other blog post. If you’re interested in learning more about artificial insemination, Make A Mom has great resources. And for those considering pregnancy, the NICHD provides excellent information.
Summary
Parenting is a complex journey filled with unexpected challenges and joys. From arguments over clothing to the chaos of messy toddlers, these 26 realities shed light on what to expect. While this list only scratches the surface, it can help prepare you for the wild ride ahead.