Dear Pro-Life Advocate,
I’ve taken a step back and listened to your views, and I feel the weight of the assumptions you make about individuals like me. You create a clear divide between right and wrong, as if you fully understand the complexity of life-altering decisions. The narrative you present doesn’t resonate with my experience at all.
On January 5, 2016, I underwent a second-trimester abortion at 18 weeks and 3 days. My circumstances were not the typical ones you might envision. I was not a victim of rape or incest, nor was I an unwed teenager. Financial issues did not drive my decision, nor was this a case of treating abortion as a means of birth control. My baby was deeply loved and wanted.
We chose the name Grace for our daughter, which means “gift from God.” She was a cherished little girl with a family eager to welcome her—my husband and I hoped for a future filled with joy. However, when we went for an ultrasound at 17 ½ weeks, we received heartbreaking news: Grace was diagnosed with trisomy 21 and nonimmune hydrops fetalis. Her condition was severe; her organs were failing, and specialists informed us that she would not survive beyond a few weeks. In mere moments, the dreams we had for our family shattered.
As a Christian, I believe in miracles, but I also place trust in medical expertise. I couldn’t bear the thought of my daughter suffering in what should be the safest place for her. I dreaded the idea of bonding with her only to face the agony of saying goodbye. The day my son was born was a beautiful moment; I didn’t want it tainted by the darkest day of my life.
When my doctor explained that waiting for Grace to pass naturally would pose serious health risks for me, I was faced with an unimaginable choice I never wanted to make. I chose to end what was a deeply desired pregnancy.
Compounding my pain, I discovered that due to restrictive laws, I could not undergo the procedure in my home state of Tennessee. Planned Parenthood could not assist me after 15 weeks, and local hospitals denied my requests. I felt overwhelmed with shame when my trusted doctor informed me she couldn’t legally help. It felt as though my own state didn’t trust me to make the best decisions for my family. On that tragic day, I felt like a fugitive, leaving home to seek care in a state that didn’t stigmatize my choice.
I had never given much thought to the pro-life or pro-choice debate until I found myself in this heart-wrenching situation. I didn’t speak about my experience with the term “abortion” because of the stigma attached to it. Now, as the topic resurfaces with the upcoming elections, I carry the burden of judgment from others while still grieving the loss of my daughter.
Many of my pro-life friends and family have said, “But your situation is different.” While this may seem comforting, I believe this mindset is part of the problem. My situation is not different; the procedure I underwent isn’t different either. If we shy away from discussing abortion openly, perceptions will remain unchanged, and laws will only tighten.
It’s uncomfortable to admit, but I had an abortion, and this is what it looked like for me. Life is often not a simple matter of right or wrong; many of us navigate the complexities of gray areas, fearing judgment and shame. We may choose silence to protect our already broken hearts. As your voices grow louder in the pro-life movement, mothers like me continue to lose our rights to make decisions in the best interest of our families.
As you advocate for your pro-life beliefs, remember that my husband and I had to say goodbye to our daughter in an unfamiliar hospital. While you protested outside a clinic, my husband was alone choosing an urn for our child. While you click “share” on social media posts against abortion, I pray for our little angel, wishing for her peace. What you may not realize is that with every loss, a piece of the mother dies too.
Please, consider including our voices in the abortion debate. Acknowledge the gray areas before supporting strict anti-abortion laws. Don’t shy away from our stories due to discomfort. We are mothers who have made the choice of abortion out of love, doing our best in incredibly painful situations. For more insights on this topic, you may find valuable information at this link, and if you are looking for reliable resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource.
In summary, life is complex, and the stories behind individual choices deserve to be heard. We navigate our pain in silence, but it’s time to break that silence and share our truths.