Dear Max,
I find myself missing you. Missing the days when it was just the two of us, enjoying our time together. I long for those hours filled with laughter, driving to the store with you singing in the backseat, or our colorful art sessions where we danced to the music and shook our shakers with glee.
Now, things have changed. The house is louder, and I often find myself saying, “Shhh! Your little brother is resting!” I remember when you could laugh and play freely, stomping around the living room without a care in the world. Now, your joy sometimes feels stifled as I rush to quiet you, trying to manage the chaos of caring for both of you.
When you go to bed and I stumble upon one of your toys on my bureau, it tugs at my heart. I always miss you when you sleep (though, I’m relieved when you finally settle down), but it feels different now. The ache of “I didn’t get enough time with you today” settles in. You are now my firstborn, but with a little brother needing so much of me, I often feel stretched thin.
Of course, I adore your baby brother, too. His coos and smiles light up my world, and his love feels so fresh and intense that I can’t help but cherish every moment. But I still miss the one-on-one time we shared, those moments when you would come to me for comfort, and I could hold you close, swaying softly like we used to.
Every day, it seems like I’m torn between two worlds, trying to give both of you what you need. I wish for a future where I can dedicate my time and love fully to each of you. Until that day comes, I must embrace each moment as it comes and recognize that both of you are growing and changing so quickly.
I hope that as you both grow older and more independent, I will feel like I can truly be there for you in the ways you deserve. Until then, I miss you, and I miss us.
Much love,
Mom