When I was a child, I was captivated by the tales of Emma Hart and her escapades on the rugged trails of the countryside. I eagerly read the stories and enjoyed the show that depicted a cheerful girl with braids prancing through life alongside a serene river. I longed to be that adventurous girl who caught fish after school and marveled at the covered-wagon lifestyle.
However, here’s the reality: while it’s enjoyable to watch a show about a pioneering girl, actually living like one in today’s world—especially with the luxuries of air conditioning and indoor plumbing—is downright absurd.
Camping? It’s the Worst.
And camping with kids? Even more of a nightmare.
Honestly, I can’t fathom why anyone would want to load up their belongings, drive into the wilderness, unpack everything, and live like cavemen for a weekend. And let me be clear: I’m not comfortable with just a flimsy piece of fabric separating me, my children, and a potentially enormous bear.
I absolutely despise camping.
Yet, my family adores it, and therein lies the conflict.
My partner and kids rave about the magic of waking up to a sunrise over a lake. They wax poetic about “disconnecting” from technology and feeling at one with nature, as if they’re starring in a Disney movie. They even talk endlessly about how delicious hot dogs taste when roasted over a fire that took hours to build because no one thought to bring matches.
I suspect the reason they love camping so much is that I do all the heavy lifting to ensure we don’t have to survive on foraged berries and twigs while cohabiting with Yogi Bear. They have no clue how much effort goes into preparing a portable home and transporting it to the middle of nowhere. They don’t realize how many marshmallows need to be bought, and they certainly can’t comprehend the sheer number of baby wipes required to avoid a hygiene disaster.
Camping is Exhausting
There’s so much folding and unfolding. Upon arriving at our site, I spend what feels like an eternity trying to figure out which way the tent poles fit together. After three days of sharing a cramped space with my now-stinky family, it’s another long ordeal to pack everything back up. And when we get home, the tent reeks of sweat and smoke, so I have to set it up again to air it out. All told, dealing with that tent is time I wish I could reclaim.
Camping is Stressful
When my family insists on venturing into the woods, my main concern is the bathroom situation. To be frank, I’m a “home pooper,” and let’s just say that latrines are not my idea of a pleasant restroom. As if dealing with potential camping constipation isn’t bad enough, I find myself awake at 2 a.m. weighing my options: how urgent is my need to pee? On a scale from “I can wait” to “I might wet my sleeping bag,” how badly do I want to stumble out into the dark to find a restroom that smells like an animal’s den? I don’t need this kind of pressure in my life.
Camping Can Be Annoyingly Frustrating
I have a theory that air mattress manufacturers deliberately create tiny holes in their products. I’ve never met anyone who has purchased an air mattress that doesn’t leak. And don’t even get me started on the myth of real campers sleeping on the ground. If I’m stuck in a nylon sleep space, I refuse to suffer through a night with rocks digging into my back.
Kudos to those who genuinely enjoy camping; I am not one of those people. I make no apologies for my aversion to hair that smells like smoke for days and food cooked on pocket-sized equipment. Unless it involves a fully-equipped RV parked next to a café with reliable Wi-Fi, you won’t catch me serenading the stars with a guitar.
So, family, you’re on your own. Because, let’s face it, camping is just not for me.
Further Reading
For more insights on navigating family life, check out this other blog post here. Additionally, if you’re interested in understanding more about home insemination, you can find valuable information at Make a Mom, and the CDC offers excellent resources on pregnancy and related topics.
Summary
Camping is a challenging and often frustrating experience for some, especially for those who prefer the comforts of home. The effort involved in setting up, maintaining, and packing away camping gear, combined with the discomforts of outdoor living, can be overwhelming. While some family members may revel in the experience, others may simply wish to avoid the chaos altogether.