With just a few weeks left until my second child arrives, my noticeable baby bump and the physical challenges of late pregnancy—like walking, sitting, and even breathing—are hard to ignore. During this time, I hear well-meaning friends and family saying, “Just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!” But honestly? I’m calling it out as insincerity.
When I was expecting my first child, I was genuinely touched by these offers of support from both close friends and acquaintances. It felt wonderful to think so many people wanted to lend a hand as I was about to embark on such a life-altering journey. But soon enough, I learned that many of those offers were just empty words.
Sure, I’ll be the first to say that raising small children requires a community; it took me two years to cultivate my village and find the balance I needed to stay sane as a mom. But during that time, I had to sift through a lot of empty promises. I learned to recognize when people were genuinely willing to help—like offering to babysit or simply being there to listen—versus when they were just filling up space in the conversation.
While I did find some true friends who stepped up when it mattered, I also experienced the disappointment of those who didn’t follow through. There were friends who disappeared when I needed them most and family members who promised to help but never showed up. It stung, feeling like a personal rejection not just for me, but for my baby too, as we come as a package deal.
Now, as I prepare for my second child, I feel cautious when I hear those same familiar phrases from people who let me down before. I’m also wary of new acquaintances who make similar offers. Can I trust them? Are they sincere?
So here’s my request to you: Please don’t offer to help if you don’t genuinely mean it. Don’t say it just because you notice my discomfort or feel like it’s the nice thing to do. It doesn’t serve either of us well. When I finally do reach out for help, it’ll only lead to an awkward situation when you have to back out.
If you want to say something, I’d suggest simple phrases like “Congratulations!” or “Best of luck!” Those are encouraging without any obligation attached. You can go about your day, and I won’t add you to my mental list of people to contact when I need real assistance.
I now know who my support system is during tough times, and I feel prepared for what’s ahead. Whether it’s postpartum depression or breastfeeding challenges, I have the right people on speed dial. Many new moms might not have this knowledge yet and could face tough lessons along the way. It’s already daunting enough to ask for help, especially when navigating the complexities of new motherhood.
When a new mom reaches out during a time of crisis, don’t be the one who chooses to stay comfortable instead of stepping up. The question is simple: Will you pick up the phone when that new mom calls? If the answer is no, then please don’t offer to help.
Now, let’s keep it simple: “Congratulations! Best of luck!”
For more insights, be sure to check out one of our other blog posts here. If you’re considering at-home options for family planning, resources like this are fantastic. And for those navigating the journey of pregnancy, this is an excellent resource.
Summary: This article discusses the insincerity of well-meaning offers of help during pregnancy, emphasizing the importance of genuine support over empty words. It highlights the challenges faced by new moms and encourages friends and family to only offer help when they truly mean it, promoting a supportive and honest community.