Parenthood is a wild ride, and while I usually share the lighter moments, there are some topics that make me hesitate, fearing judgment from others. Recently, after chatting with two close family members, I realized that many moms feel the weight of inadequacy, with both expressing, “I feel like a bad mom.” Though their reasons varied, the underlying pain and doubt were strikingly similar. They both felt they weren’t measuring up to their own standards.
I often focus on the humorous side of parenting, but a recent experience made me reflect on how hard we can be on ourselves. After dropping my kids off at school, my youngest son and I were in the basement; I was folding laundry while he played with his toys. He mentioned he was going upstairs to grab his blanket. At nearly three years old, I thought it was reasonable to let him go solo.
Moments later, I realized he had been too quiet and ran upstairs to find the front door ajar, with my son outside, crying. In just three minutes, he had managed to unlock the door and escape. He was fine, but my heart raced with relief and fear—what if he had wandered too far or been hurt? Then came the guilt. Why hadn’t I heard the door alarm? Why did I think it was okay to let him go alone? Why hadn’t I just gone with him?
Once the panic subsided, self-criticism kicked in. I felt like a HORRIBLE mom. I started worrying about what others would think of me. I thought, “They’ll see me as lazy or irresponsible.” These feelings culminated in the conviction that I had failed as a mom.
Fortunately, my son was safe, and we took precautions to ensure it wouldn’t happen again. Yet, I was left grappling with feelings of inadequacy. It’s tough to admit these feelings, especially knowing how quickly we can judge ourselves based on small mistakes.
When I spoke to my relatives, I encouraged them by reminding them that we are all human; we lose our tempers, we forget things, and we make mistakes. There’s no parenting manual, so all we can do is love our children and give our best. I wish I could apply that wisdom to myself as easily.
It’s our deep love for our children that raises our expectations so high. Think about it—who else would endure sleepless nights with a newborn? We want to give our children everything, including our best selves. When we fall short, we often become our harshest critics.
It’s important to remember that we’re bombarded by negative portrayals of parents in the media, and those are the “bad parents.” Yet, we sometimes label ourselves the same way for far less significant mistakes. To all the moms out there feeling the same way, be kind to yourself. If you’re worrying about being a good parent, chances are you’re doing a fantastic job. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.
And don’t forget to consider safety measures, like adding a chain lock to your front door.
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In summary, our parenting journeys are filled with ups and downs, and it’s okay to stumble along the way. Remember to be gentle with yourself and embrace the love you have for your children.