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Parenting
Embracing Our Flawed Teens
by Emily
Updated: March 29, 2016
Originally Published: March 29, 2016
There are countless books, articles, and blogs available to guide parents from the early stages of parenting through the pre-teen years. However, what often gets overlooked is the reality that not every teenager fits the mold of the ideal student showcased in glossy brochures or the quirky yet lovable characters in our favorite TV shows. While it seems like everyone else’s kids excel in school—even the overachievers—graduation isn’t just a matter of course for every family. The pressure to conform to these expectations can be overwhelming, making it hard for parents to acknowledge that their teen may not be “normal.”
I often find myself fretting about what others might think when they learn that my two sons barely scraped through high school. I worry about the judgment I might face when people discover that one of my sons, despite his decent looks and good manners, is now working at a gas station and struggles with severe dental issues due to his rebellious refusal to maintain proper hygiene during his teenage years.
My heart aches for my daughter, who is a high school freshman grappling with intense social anxiety. I fear that her anxiety may hinder her from achieving the incredible things I know she is capable of. It’s discouraging to see her self-esteem gradually erode as she wonders how she will navigate life after high school. I’m caught in the delicate balance of providing support while ensuring I don’t make her feel like her anxiety is something she can simply turn off. It’s a constant challenge to encourage her to take risks while respecting her boundaries. I often feel isolated in this struggle, as if no one else can relate to the tightrope I walk in helping her manage her anxiety.
It’s not easy to admit when things go wrong. Who wants to share that their daughter flunked out of college after just one semester or that you caught her coming home drunk one night? Or that she’s now taking her community college classes online because she “just can’t handle” attending in person? These are the real struggles we face with our teenagers, and yet, we keep them under wraps, which only amplifies our feelings of inadequacy and failure.
We should start having open conversations about Bobby missing curfew or Susie struggling in school. Sharing our feelings of inadequacy with fellow parents can be incredibly validating. Just because our teens make some poor choices or don’t meet our expectations doesn’t mean we’ve failed as parents. Often, it signifies that our children are trying to carve their own paths, and we must trust that the values we instilled in them will help guide them toward becoming responsible adults.
Additionally, some challenges in our children’s lives may be beyond our control. It’s crucial that we learn to accept these realities and support our kids in overcoming their hurdles. Instead of treating our imperfect teenagers like a family secret, let’s foster a community where we uplift one another through these challenging times. For more insights into navigating parenthood, check out this related blog post.
In conclusion, embracing our flawed teenagers and discussing our challenges can help us feel less alone in our parenting journeys. We need to create a supportive network where we can share our experiences without fear of judgment.