I’ve never resorted to spanking my son, and I rarely raise my voice around him. Does that mean he’s a perfect child? Not at all. The real secret to maintaining a peaceful home? Bribery. While some parenting experts might disapprove, I believe that incorporating bribery into your parenting toolkit is essential. Spanking is exhausting and can lead to worrying about being labeled an abusive parent, while yelling quickly loses its impact, forcing you to shout louder until your voice gives out. Bribery, on the other hand, effectively motivates.
Since he was six, my son has been captivated by video games, often spending hours watching his dad play. Now that he’s eleven, he has his own Xbox One, a subscription to Xbox Live Gold, a headset, and a variety of games—many of which aren’t exactly age-appropriate. I didn’t even have a TV in my room until I was nearly finished with high school, but my son’s gaming setup makes him the envy of his peers.
I used to worry that we were spoiling him with too much screen time, but then I realized that video games are his form of currency. There’s no need for yelling or spanking when I can use his gaming privileges as leverage. (We’re not wealthy, but the investment in his hobby is worth every penny.)
My approach is straightforward: video games are a privilege that my son knows he should appreciate. I’m not a gamer, but I support his passion for the Xbox as long as he demonstrates responsibility. Our household rule is simple: “fun” activities are reserved for those who behave well. No one is entitled to anything.
Poor behavior leads to a quick loss of gaming privileges. If he neglects his homework or skips band practice, he loses the chance to play his favorite games. If he talks back when I ask for help around the house or is rude in public, I take away his headset, cutting off his communication with friends while playing Minecraft. If he’s late to school, I make sure he can’t log in during the time he needs to be online for his daily rewards in Warframe.
On the flip side, good behavior comes with gaming perks. If he excels on an important test, he gets the new Minecraft skin he’s been eyeing. If he babysits his younger cousins without complaint, he earns an extra hour of gaming along with his favorite junk food. If a new game is on his wishlist, I’ll pay him for chores until he saves enough to buy it.
Still skeptical about using bribery as a parenting strategy? Remember potty training. How did you encourage your child to use the toilet instead of having accidents? I bet sticker charts, treats, or the promise of their favorite show played a role in your approach.
Your child may be older now, and the bribes may be pricier, but the principle remains the same. Identify that one thing your child truly loves—be it video games, Legos, or the biggest TV in the house for watching football. Once you find that, leverage it to your advantage for as long as you can. It’s the simplest way to navigate parenthood while keeping your sanity intact.
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Summary
Bribery can be a useful tool in parenting, helping to manage behavior effectively without resorting to spanking or yelling. By using a child’s interests as motivation, parents can encourage good behavior and responsibility while maintaining a peaceful household.