It’s been nearly 12 years since I tied the knot, yet people still seem puzzled by my decision. Though my last name has remained the same, family, friends, and coworkers often stumble over how to address me. Should they refer to me by my husband’s last name? A hyphenated mix of our names? Or something entirely different?
In this day and age, it’s still considered unusual for a woman to keep her maiden name after marriage. I often find myself answering questions about my choice and how it might affect our children. Some women nervously inquire if my husband was upset by my decision, while men assert that they could never allow their wives to keep their original names.
Why all the fuss? For me, it’s straightforward: this is my name, and I’m keeping it. No offense to my husband or anyone else; I simply see no compelling reason to change it.
1. Marriage Doesn’t Mean Merging Identities
I married my husband because I admire him and we complement each other well. Our differences, including our names, are part of what strengthens our union. I don’t aim to become more like him or to envelop myself in his world.
2. My Name Reflects My Identity
My name has been a part of me for my entire life. It carries my history and the legacy of my family. I’ve worked hard to establish a reputation that I’m proud of. Why should I discard that just because I fell in love? I’m not a “maiden” waiting to be saved; I’m a woman with my own identity, equally important as my husband’s.
3. Tradition Isn’t Always Justifiable
Many argue that keeping a maiden name goes against tradition. To that, I say: not all traditions are worth preserving. Just because something has always been done a certain way doesn’t mean it should continue. After all, we also have the quirky tradition of presidential turkey pardons every Thanksgiving, which is cute but not necessary.
4. Different Last Names Don’t Diminish Family Unity
We are individuals with our own names, and that doesn’t make us any less of a family. My husband has his lineage, I have mine, and our children have a hyphenated surname that reflects both of us. It’s easier for them to understand why their names are hyphenated rather than why they all share the same last name.
5. No Expectations for Name Changes
I don’t expect my husband to take my last name or modify his in any way, so why should I be pressured to do so? Name changes after marriage should be a personal choice without judgment. If both partners agree to switch, that’s wonderful; if not, that’s okay too.
6. My Husband Was Supportive
One of the things I love about my husband is his laid-back attitude. He never pressured me to change my name and seemed unfazed by the teasing he received from friends. His security in our relationship means he doesn’t view my name choice as a threat.
7. The Hassle of Changing Names
I have no interest in navigating the paperwork for a name change—from driver’s licenses to passports. It seems like an unnecessary headache. Plus, if life happens and someone gets divorced or remarried, the complications multiply. My name is my identity for life, and I want to maintain that continuity.
8. Preserving My Surname for Future Generations
My grandparents had sons who passed on their names, but only daughters in my generation are having children. If I followed tradition, my surname would vanish. I want to honor my lineage, so keeping my maiden name felt necessary.
9. Defying Convention
Sometimes, it’s simply about challenging norms. If there’s no strong reason to conform, why should I? Ultimately, the decision is mine, and those who disagree are free to make their own choices.
So for those still scratching their heads, the mystery is solved. I didn’t become someone else when I married; my identity remains intact. I likely wouldn’t have partnered with someone who had an issue with my decision in the first place. For better or worse, I chose to keep my name.
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In conclusion, my choice not to take my husband’s last name stems from a desire to maintain my identity, honor my lineage, and foster a family dynamic that embraces individuality.