It feels like just yesterday I was navigating the challenges of breastfeeding versus formula, cloth diapers or disposables, when to introduce potty training, and how to manage discipline with my eldest. Now, she’s in seventh grade, and the dynamics have definitely shifted.
At twelve, kids are in such a unique phase—the spectrum of behaviors is wide. While my daughter is still lost in her fantasy world reminiscent of a Harry Potter adventure and enjoys playing with dolls, some of her peers are already exploring dating and relationships (yes, it’s happening, whether we want to acknowledge it or not). I consider myself fortunate that she shares her daily experiences and concerns with me, and I strive to address her questions with honesty and realism.
Just yesterday, she recounted an incident where a boy in her class snapped a girl’s bra strap. Curious about how to handle such situations, she turned to me for advice. I took a moment to think carefully about my response. I could have given a range of answers, but instead, I opted for what I believe is the most important lesson for her. However, I feel it’s only fair to give a heads-up to those of you with sons who might cross paths with her.
Dear parents of boys who might be in class with my daughter:
Ah, middle school! What a whirlwind. I understand that some of your kids might respond with one-word answers when you ask about their day, and I empathize with you. As the mother of a daughter who communicates openly, I want to alert you that behaviors like bra-snapping and skirt-pulling are becoming commonplace (remember those days?). Out of respect, I believe you should know what I’ve told my daughter to do if your son ever tries something similar.
Her response? She should give him a solid punch in the throat.
Now, I recognize that this may go against the school’s zero-tolerance policy for violence. I understand she might be the one facing consequences, possibly even landing in the principal’s office, and I anticipate a phone call or a meeting with the school staff. I’ve explained to her the potential for detention or worse, and that there might not be much I can do to advocate for her.
Yet, I’ve also made it clear that standing up for herself is still the right choice. When I find myself in that phone call or meeting, I will tell the school, “You handle it as you see fit.” I understand there are rules that must be respected. But I will also be treating my daughter to a hot fudge sundae that evening because I want her to know that self-defense is a vital skill. If someone invades her personal space without permission, it’s imperative to put a stop to it.
Now, I get that the thought of your sweet son getting punched in the throat may not sit well with you. Trust me, as a mother of a son, I understand that concern. If the idea bothers you, I recommend taking proactive measures: teach him not to engage in any form of inappropriate touching, whether it’s grabbing a girl’s bra or pulling up her skirt. If he finds humor in such actions, then consider this a fair warning—he might just be on the receiving end of a punch.
Okay? Good chat.
Dear parents of girls who might be in class with my son:
I’m instilling in my son the importance of respecting your daughters. If he engages in any of the behaviors mentioned above and your daughter retaliates by defending herself, he will have brought it upon himself.
In exchange, can you help me out? Teach your daughter that she has the right to express herself assertively and clearly, without resorting to passive-aggressiveness. This skill will be invaluable as relationships evolve and consent becomes part of the equation.
Now that you have a glimpse into my parenting approach, I’m already bracing myself for the upcoming discussions about dating, first kisses, and driving. Maybe I’m the one who deserves that hot fudge sundae!