Ah, the joy of welcoming a new baby into the world! But oh, the challenges that can come with it. Sure, my body is recovering from childbirth, and let’s not forget about those swollen breasts that seem to leak at the most inconvenient moments. So, naturally, this is an ideal time for visitors to drop by, right? What’s that? We haven’t connected in ages? No biggie! Just rush over here and cuddle my newborn while bringing along every germ imaginable. Of course, you need to enjoy that delightful new baby scent!
Honestly, what new mom actually wants to entertain a parade of visitors after bringing home a little one? Where does this notion come from that the moment a baby is born, everyone should come rushing over? After the birth of my fourth child, I was still getting unsolicited requests to meet the baby. I thought we had moved beyond this! Haven’t we all seen enough articles on how to support postpartum women? Surely we recognize the challenges a new mother faces during this period.
Now, don’t get me wrong; there are countless thoughtful ways to support a new mom. Most of them involve deliveries—pizza, Thai food, groceries—anything delicious! With three older kids, the meals that arrived were invaluable, and I appreciated all the heartfelt messages that lit up my phone. However, I found myself grappling with how to handle requests to visit the baby. Some parents genuinely want to showcase their newborn, or perhaps they need an extra set of hands for a quick nap. I’m all for useful help from welcomed visitors. But many new moms don’t realize they aren’t obligated to accept every offer or visit. It took me four children to finally understand that entertaining guests was not mandatory. The well-meaning “let me hold that baby” from relatives often feels more like pressure than support.
Two key experiences helped me defend my time with my little one: my training as a doula and a health challenge I faced. In my doula training, I learned the importance of protecting a mother’s space. I witnessed firsthand how stressful uninvited visitors could be for new mothers. Those precious moments of bonding can easily turn into chaos when outsiders enter the picture. Sure, sometimes passing the baby to someone else is necessary for a break, but so many women do it out of fear of offending someone.
Around my third child’s first birthday, I was diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, which often left me exhausted. This experience forced me to prioritize my health and well-being for my family’s sake. I became skilled at saying “no.” I realized that every “yes” I offered for things I didn’t want was often a “no” to what I truly needed.
Armed with newfound self-care techniques and an understanding of mother-infant bonding, I was determined to savor every moment with my newborn. These postpartum days with my partner were vital and special, and I recognized how fleeting they could be.
Postpartum is a whirlwind. You can never anticipate the challenges unless you’ve been through it before. Yes, tough times will arise, but so will joyful moments. I had already watched my first three kids grow, and I was determined to cherish every second of my baby’s early days.
No, I didn’t always respond with sarcasm (though I was tempted!). Here’s the typical reply I crafted for visitors I wasn’t ready for (many of whom later expressed gratitude for my newfound assertiveness):
“Thank you for thinking of us! I’ve been focusing on resting and doing what’s best for Baby and me. For now, visitors still feel a bit disruptive. Can we do a rain check?”
Do yourself a favor: remove people-pleasing from your postpartum agenda. If you’re interested in more insights on this topic, check out our other blog posts, including those on home insemination.