After welcoming my third child in 2001, I felt certain that my family was complete. With a lively 4-year-old and a 2-year-old, adding an infant to the mix made me realize I was quite content. I was ready to take definitive steps to avoid any unexpected surprises in the future.
However, friends, family, and even my doctor urged me to reconsider. “You’re just 31! You still have plenty of time for more children,” they would say. “You just had a baby; your hormones are all over the place. You’re not thinking straight.” Not thinking straight? Sure, I was tired, but I wasn’t out of my mind. One friend, who had six kids and was trying for a seventh, told me, “Oh, you’ll regret it. Just wait.” Wait for what? Just because you want a big family doesn’t mean everyone else does.
Despite my strong conviction, I hesitated to ask my husband about a vasectomy, a procedure he wasn’t keen on either. We tried the rhythm method while I was breastfeeding, which was more of a hassle for me than it was for him. I was the one keeping track of my cycles, taking my temperature daily, and even noting the consistency of my mucus. (Honestly, what a tedious task!) Once I stopped breastfeeding, I switched to the pill. Unfortunately, my libido plummeted, which rendered the pill pointless as our intimacy dwindled. After battling for 18 months with little desire, my doctor switched me to the mini-pill. My libido returned, but so did frequent bleeding every two weeks—definitely not ideal for a healthy sex life.
I realized it was time to have a serious conversation about the vasectomy again. Unfortunately, my husband remained uncomfortable with the idea, partly due to a friend’s painful experience post-surgery. We spent two years using condoms while I hoped he might change his mind—he didn’t.
So, I took control of my reproductive future. I couldn’t force my husband to have a vasectomy, but I could make my own choices. It didn’t matter if I remarry or lose my kids; I was certain I didn’t want any more. I asked my doctor for a tubal ligation, but she referred me to a surgeon who suggested a salpingectomy instead.
This procedure involves removing the fallopian tubes rather than just tying them. The surgeon explained that recent studies indicated that keeping the tubes may raise the risk of ovarian cancer since many cases begin there. “If you’re sure you won’t need them again, it’s best to remove them entirely,” he said. Unlike tubal ligation, which can sometimes allow for future pregnancies, a salpingectomy guarantees permanent sterilization.
He also noted that some doctors hesitate to recommend this option because they worry women might later regret their decision. “But who am I to dictate what a woman wants?” he said. “If you’re done, you’re done, and that’s your choice.” Finally, someone understood my perspective, something I had been hoping to hear for years.
My husband supported my choice, but I kept it under wraps from most others to avoid unwanted opinions. The surgery was straightforward, and I was back home by the end of the day and back to work in just two weeks. Instead of feeling regret or sadness about not having more children, I experienced a profound sense of freedom. No more pills or condoms, no more temperature checks or mucus evaluations. I was liberated!
A few weeks later, my surgeon called to inform me that a cyst had been found in one of my fallopian tubes—a potential precursor to cancer. “You made the right choice,” he affirmed.
Now, eight years later, I have no regrets whatsoever. I enjoy a vibrant sex life, and that cyst that could have been a tumor is now just a distant memory. My kids are all teenagers now, and they bring me immense joy.
If you’re considering your options for family planning, check out resources like this guide on treating infertility or explore more about home insemination at Home Insemination Kit. For those looking to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers valuable insights.
Summary
At 31, I confidently chose permanent sterilization after feeling my family was complete following the birth of my third child. Despite pressure from others to reconsider, I took control of my reproductive health and opted for a salpingectomy, which provided a sense of liberation and ensured a future free from unexpected pregnancies.