It’s 1:30 a.m. I’m 30 weeks along in my pregnancy and wide awake. My little one has been restless for weeks, but I’m trying to focus on the blessing that my insemination was successful on the first try. I’ve always felt destined to be a mom, and after a string of unsuccessful relationships, I decided it was time to take the plunge and embrace this journey alone—as a single mom by choice. What caught me off guard were the unsolicited remarks that came my way after this decision.
1. “Isn’t it selfish to decide for your child to grow up without a father?”
I often think back to the countless mothers out there who never had the luxury of choosing. Many are raising children alone due to circumstances beyond their control. Sure, I would have preferred a more traditional family setup, but today’s families come in all shapes and sizes—two moms, two dads, or even step-parents. My child might not have a dad, but she’ll have an amazing grandfather, two incredible uncles, and numerous strong male figures in her life. While it may not be the conventional route, I believe that raising her alone is not inherently detrimental—especially when I consider the kind of life she would have with one of my past partners as a father.
2. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”
I’ve noticed this reaction from a few friends and family members. Their pity seemed rooted in the belief that I was making a desperate choice or that I was somehow failing. Interestingly, two of my exes reached out with similar apologies after hearing the news. They went on about how I deserved happiness, how I shouldn’t change because of past relationships, and how it was their fault for not treating me right. Honestly, I am happy! I didn’t change my dreams; I just adapted them. Kids have always been my priority, and now I’m simply taking a different route to achieve that.
3. “You do realize that kids without dads often end up struggling, right?”
Absolutely! My goal has always been to raise a daughter who can choose her own path, not one based on stereotypes. Researching “exotic dancers” to see how many made that choice because of an absent father could be interesting. The main difference between a dad who leaves and one who is absent is that my daughter will know she was wanted and loved. I’ll teach her that a generous man helped bring her into the world, and she’ll grow up knowing I chose her. Just like kids without siblings don’t miss what they’ve never had, she won’t feel the absence of a father. There will be plenty of positive male role models in her life.
4. “You have no idea what you’re getting into!”
True! I have no clue, but who does? I’ve read countless stories in baby forums and learned that whether you’re a first-time mom or a seasoned one, everyone is essentially figuring it out as they go. While I do plan and organize as much as possible, no one truly knows what the future holds. So, dear friend with kids, thanks for your concern, but I actually find the prospect of choosing my daughter’s name, her sleep routine, and school all by myself quite liberating. Yes, I’ll face challenges, but given that this has been a deliberate decision I’ve been preparing for, I’m confident I can handle it.
5. “Well, it’s about time! You’ve been saying you wanted kids forever.”
Before I shared my plans with my dad, I spent days preparing myself. I was ready for disappointment, so I asked him to hold off on commenting immediately. Surprisingly, when I finally told him, his response was the most uplifting one I received.
Why am I awake at this hour? Because this journey is transforming me into a more assertive person, capable of brushing off unwanted comments. These skills will be invaluable when my daughter begins asking questions or when I have to navigate forms that leave out the “father” section. I’m writing this to remind myself why I chose this path. Ultimately, the opinions of others don’t matter much; I’m fighting for the chance to become a mother.
For more insights on the journey of becoming a mom, check out this post on home insemination and learn more about the process via Make A Mom. For further information on pregnancy, visit the World Health Organization’s page on pregnancy.
Summary:
Choosing to be a single mom by choice is a courageous decision that often comes with unsolicited comments from others. While some may question the absence of a father or express pity, it’s important to remember that the definition of family is evolving. This journey is about embracing the love and support from other family members and friends, as well as navigating the challenges that come with motherhood. Ultimately, the choice to embark on this path can lead to a fulfilling life for both mother and child.