Growing up, my parents never imposed restrictions on how many hours I spent in front of the television. Honestly, I think they preferred not to deal with the hassle. Surprisingly, despite the lack of academic pressure, I thrived—eventually graduating from a prestigious Ivy League university. I was never required to read for a certain amount of time each day, yet I developed into an enthusiastic reader.
With this unconventional upbringing, I’ve transitioned into a happy, connected, and fulfilled adult. Interestingly enough, I barely watch TV now. My parents had an unspoken expectation that I would succeed, and I did.
I’ve adopted a similar philosophy with my son and his iPad usage (we chose not to have a television). I must say, this non-strategy has yielded satisfying results. While unlimited screen time isn’t suitable for every family, I believe there are compelling reasons to consider it, and adults can learn valuable lessons if they ease their grip a little.
1. Cultivating Trust
My son, now four, is discovering his likes and dislikes, and I’m pleased to see him developing a discerning taste. Having the freedom to choose is essential—especially as one navigates the complexities of adulthood. Unfortunately, many children today are constantly supervised and corrected, leading them to rely heavily on external validation as they grow older. By allowing my son to make choices—within safe boundaries—I’m instilling trust in him and myself. He’s learning to recognize his instincts and preferences, which are crucial for a fulfilling life. Whether he’s drawn to Curious George or, heaven forbid, Power Rangers, it’s all part of his growth.
2. Ending the Battle
For a while, I was consumed by anxiety over his iPad use; I felt as though the device was controlling us. I worried about the potential harm of each minute he spent on it. My frustration only escalated when I saw him grappling with the “Forbidden Fruit Syndrome” (FFS). His normal desire to watch his favorite shows was causing distress for those around him, which created confusion and only drove him further into screen time.
After a moment of reflection, I decided to relax my “shoulds” and “coulds.” The outcome has been liberating. Now, my son doesn’t feel guilty for watching the iPad, and when he’s free to choose, his interests guide him. Sometimes that means screen time, but often it leads him to unleash his imagination, immerse himself in costumes, or even create fantastic Lego structures. Occasionally, it involves nurturing his dolls or, like just now, declaring he wants a bath and spending an hour singing and playing with bath toys.
3. Fostering Happiness
I no longer view myself as a bad parent. Instead, I focus on cultivating joy and appreciating the incredible experience of motherhood. Rather than stressing over arbitrary limits, I trust my instincts and allow my son to trust his. Surprisingly, when I let him make his own choices without drama, he doesn’t want to be glued to a screen all day. His inner guidance knows the balance that works for him.
I strive to lead by example rather than by restrictions. I engage thoughtfully with his endless questions and aim to embody happiness, showing him what it looks like in an adult. Most importantly, I shower him with love, hoping to help him feel whole and secure in who he is and what he wants from this wonderful, chaotic life. And I don’t believe I need to impose limits on screen time to accomplish that.
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In summary, advocating for unlimited screen time can foster trust, reduce struggles over screen use, and promote happiness in both children and parents. By allowing kids the freedom to choose, they can become more self-aware, imaginative, and balanced individuals.