We recently embarked on a road trip to the great northern plains, spanning 16 hours from our home to our destination. With three little ones under the age of 5 in tow, that adds up to a staggering 32 hours confined in a car (our sanity is currently under review).
Describing the experience as a bit chaotic would be like saying the Grand Canyon is a tad deep. At one point, the noise levels reached a peak that prompted a rather amusing exchange between my partner and me.
Me: Sometimes I think I could really use a sleeper hold. You know, the one where you squeeze the neck?
Him: Why? So you can knock yourself out and leave me alone with the kids?
Me: I was actually considering using it on the kids, but your idea is better.
I often wonder how families managed during the Exodus. Surely, they had toddlers, but can you imagine navigating parted waters with little ones? It’s hard to fathom anyone crossing the Red Sea in under six months with a toddler in hand, especially when they insist on stopping to examine every single seashell. Moving at a toddler’s pace feels akin to the sound of “The Flight of the Bumblebee” on repeat.
If Moses had thought to include an addendum to the Ten Commandments specifically about traveling with toddlers, it might have looked something like this:
- Thou shalt inquire if we have arrived at our destination 40 million times within the first 30 seconds of travel.
- Thou shalt not covet thy sibling’s toy until the vehicle is hurtling down the highway at 75 miles per hour amid a rainstorm with enormous trucks carrying fuel tanks.
- Thou shalt ask for a drink five minutes after refusing one. Once the seat belt clicks, the drink request must be made.
- Thou shalt wake the sleeping baby with ear-piercing sounds mere seconds after they drift off.
- Thou shalt speak louder than a jet engine.
- Thou shalt not sleep.
- Thou shalt continuously kick the seat in front.
- Thou shalt announce an urgent need to use the restroom 45 seconds before the actual necessity arises.
- Thou shalt only consume food from McDonald’s.
- Thou shalt persist with these commandments until your parents consider leaping out of a moving vehicle.
Of course, I’m just being playful. Each year, traveling with toddlers is supposed to become easier. Just kidding. I’m totally joking.
From my experiences, I’ve learned three crucial things about road trips with toddlers: 1) They can be an inexpensive form of marriage therapy, 2) toddlers have zero interest in your cleverly planned car activities, and 3) the phrase “Are we there yet?” can drive you to the brink of insanity.
Like the Exodus, every road trip with our little ones resembles leading a mass of 600,000 people on a journey, except we’re far more bewildered than Moses, and our travels sound like an endless rendition of “The Flight of the Bumblebee.”
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Summary:
Traveling with toddlers can feel like an epic journey full of challenges and noise. From incessant questions about arrival times to chaotic snack preferences, every road trip becomes an adventure. With humor as a coping mechanism, parents navigate the complexities of family travel, learning to embrace the chaos along the way.