Today, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the responsibility of keeping everything in check. I know that might sound like complaining, but that’s not my intention. I cherish the journey of motherhood and am grateful for my partner’s unwavering support. He’s incredibly generous, always encouraging, and immensely helpful.
But he’s not me. He doesn’t have the same constant awareness of everything that needs to be done. While I juggle a baby in one arm and try to preheat the oven with the other, he’s not particularly concerned if the living room hasn’t seen a vacuum in weeks or if our toddler is wearing mismatched socks. When things start to unravel, he sees it as life’s little hiccups, while I tend to take it personally. I often wonder if I would be happier if I could let some of these worries slide away.
What happens if the person who keeps it all together decides to take a step back?
Last weekend, we embarked on our annual family ski trip with my partner’s relatives. It was a four-day adventure, which meant packing was no small task. While my husband effortlessly packed his essentials—a small bag of clothes, toiletries, and ski gear—I took on the rest. I gathered my own clothes, plus everything our baby and toddler could possibly need, including diapers, snacks, sleep sacks, and even backup supplies. I was determined to be prepared for any situation, right down to the cooler of groceries and the two Pack ‘n Plays.
About an hour and a half into our journey, I realized I’d left the spices at home for the beef stew I planned to cook. They were still sitting in the spice rack, completely forgotten. Just as we entered New Hampshire, I remembered that my snow pants were still tucked away in a box in the attic, the one item I hadn’t checked off my extensive list. When my partner casually asked if I had packed the Bluetooth speaker, I had to admit I hadn’t.
In those moments, it felt like nothing else mattered except for what I had failed to remember. I am the organizer, the planner, the one who feels the pressure of keeping things running smoothly. If I miss something, it impacts everyone—sometimes in minor ways, like forgetting a speaker, but other times in more significant ways.
This isn’t a new struggle for me. I often find myself swinging between feeling completely at ease with my responsibilities and being crushed under their weight. Some days, I feel powerful and capable; other days, it’s overwhelming.
On tough days like today, I hear the advice to “just let it go” and “focus on what truly matters.” And they’re right—my kids are growing up quickly, and I want to cherish these moments with them. But I can’t help but wonder what happens to everything else when the one who holds the threads together decides to loosen their grip.
Does that mean we all start wearing dirty clothes? Do we ignore the empty toilet paper rolls? Should I stop managing doctor’s appointments and let bills pile up? Will dinner turn into a chaotic free-for-all because meal planning feels like too much? How do I discern what to relinquish and what to cling to?
Surely, there are mothers out there who have mastered the balance between utter chaos and rigid structure. They can embrace the mess because it signifies happy kids. They aren’t fazed if appointments slip their minds or if the week’s meal plan goes awry by Tuesday. They’ve learned to let some balls drop without derailing the entire juggling act.
I aspire to reach that point, but today, I feel far from it.
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Summary:
Navigating the balance between chaos and structure in parenting is a constant struggle for many mothers. While some days feel empowering, others can be overwhelming, filled with the pressure to keep everything in order. The challenge lies in knowing what responsibilities to prioritize and which ones to ease up on. Ultimately, finding a personal balance is essential for both parental well-being and family happiness.