“Can you come watch a movie with Mommy upstairs this morning?” I ask, trying to infuse as much cheer as I can muster into my voice.
“Yes! Can we watch The Grinch? No school today, Mama?” my 4-year-old son, Alex, replies, his brow furrowed in confusion.
“Not right now, sweetheart. Mommy is in too much pain to drive you to school, so how about we snuggle up upstairs instead?”
He reaches out his tiny hand, warm and comforting. “Of course, Mama. I’ll hold your hand,” he says.
As we make our way up the stairs, I can barely keep the tears at bay. I try to appear strong, but the reality is that endometriosis affects me deeply. This invisible illness doesn’t show on the outside—other than the scars on my abdomen that tell the story of past surgeries.
The pain from endometriosis resides deep within a woman’s reproductive system, often intensifying during ovulation, PMS, or menstruation. But it can strike at any moment, leaving a woman incapacitated for days. It’s not just “bad cramps”—it’s the worst cramps imaginable, multiplied a million times over. For many, over-the-counter pain relief hardly makes a dent. This isn’t about weakness; it’s about a serious, often misunderstood condition.
In the past, my condition has kept me from working, running errands, preparing meals, and exercising. But the moment I realized I couldn’t take my child to school, it felt like a new low. Watching how this illness affects Alex is heart-wrenching. I can’t help but feel guilty, like I’m failing as a mother.
As we ascend the stairs, I want to scream from the pain. It’s akin to labor, a relentless contraction. I feel dizzy and clammy with each step. I remind myself to focus. Just get to the top, I repeat in my mind. I instruct Alex, “If something happens to Mommy, like if I fall or can’t wake up, please run outside and get a neighbor to help, okay?” I know that if he opens the door, our home alarm will trigger and alert emergency services. Either way, he’ll find help.
The thought of my little boy witnessing me fall and become unresponsive is almost unbearable. I can only imagine how terrified he would be.
Once we reach the bed, Alex pops in the movie, and I feel a wave of relief as I lie down; it lessens the chances of a fall. As I hit play, he snuggles close.
With concern in his eyes, he asks, “Is it because you’re bleeding again?” My husband and I have tried to explain my period, but clearly, Alex has missed some details.
“Yes, honey,” I reply.
“Will I bleed when I’m older?” he wonders.
“Sort of. You’ll bleed from your vagina, but it won’t hurt like this,” I say. Unfortunately, that’s not entirely accurate.
Endometriosis occurs when cells similar to those in the uterus grow outside of it, often affecting the ovaries and bowels. These growths can cause chronic pelvic pain, incredibly painful periods, and even infertility. Research suggests a genetic link, making it hereditary.
Despite my desire to shield my children from my suffering, I can’t hide the toll it takes on me. I can only advocate for awareness and more research, pushing through my pain so that my daughters—and countless others—may not face this debilitating condition.
My children understand that I’m not weak, and neither are the many women who share this struggle. Celebrities like Mia Hart, who took a break from her career to manage her endometriosis, and Sarah Lin, who has turned her pain into strength by sharing her journey, are shining examples of resilience.
Yet, even though we speak out, many medical professionals still misunderstand endometriosis. Too often, young women hear dismissive comments like, “It’s not that bad,” or “You can handle it.” This is the harsh reality for many.
We must change the narrative surrounding this disease. We need to show support, share our stories, and advocate for funding toward research for more effective treatments. We must find a cure, as there currently isn’t one for endometriosis.
This March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, a crucial time to support the women and mothers suffering from this condition. Together, we can help daughters worldwide who may be at risk and work towards finding treatments that can alleviate their suffering. Let’s unite for Endometriosis Awareness Month and beyond!
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Summary:
This piece highlights the emotional and physical toll of living with endometriosis while balancing motherhood. The author shares her struggles with pain and the impact it has on her ability to care for her child, emphasizing the need for awareness, support, and research. It encourages readers to advocate for change and highlights the importance of understanding this often-misunderstood condition.