Despite having three sexual partners and being married for over a decade, I’ve never truly experienced an orgasm during intercourse. I always thought it would eventually happen on its own. My first boyfriend, then my second, and finally my husband—none of them managed to take me there.
I realize now that I’ve been waiting for my partners to figure out how to bring me to orgasm, almost like I’m a “Sexist” when it comes to my own pleasure. I’ve taken no responsibility, assuming that if my partners were skilled enough, they’d do all the work for me. But I’m beginning to understand that’s not how it works. Are there men who can help any woman reach orgasm, even those who are shy about asking for it?
My first boyfriend genuinely tried. I was 19 and he had way more experience. He was frustrated when it didn’t happen for me, especially after watching “Don Juan DeMarco” together, where Johnny Depp portrays a masterful lover. He said, “He makes it look so easy.” That night, we really tried, but nothing changed.
I enjoy sex, and I still do, but I can never quite reach that final peak. On my own, I can achieve orgasm in just a minute if I want to. Could that be part of the issue? Am I so proficient at self-pleasure that I’ve overlooked the nuances of achieving orgasm during partnered sex?
With my second boyfriend, the tension was palpable. He was upset that I couldn’t orgasm, but our relationship lacked the comfort for open discussions. I eventually faked it, but I was a poor actress and felt resentful for needing to pretend. We broke up soon after.
Then came my husband. We have a lot of fun together and I’ve been more honest with him than anyone else. Although I still haven’t orgasmed during intercourse, we’ve explored many avenues. We’ve tried to address the issue, but I told him that the pressure makes it more difficult for me to enjoy our intimacy. So we decided to focus on having sex with him assisting me in masturbation, which has been our best solution so far.
Here I am at 40, feeling like an absolute failure when it comes to orgasms. For a feminist, this struggle is hard to swallow. I deserve to orgasm just as much as he does. Why haven’t I fought harder for my own pleasure? Why has it taken me this long to feel outraged about it?
This year, I’m determined to change that, and my husband is fully supportive. I’ve been doing my research—don’t laugh!—and all we need now is plenty of time to practice. We’re still working on finding that time together. No matter how old I get or how long we’ve been married, I am resolute in mastering my own orgasm during intercourse. It’s time for me to take control and make this happen.
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In summary, navigating the journey of sexual pleasure can be complex, especially for women who feel they have not yet reached their potential. It’s vital to take charge of your own pleasure, communicate openly with partners, and seek out solutions that work for you.