Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not particularly hard to please. I don’t need extravagant dinners or spa days to feel like I’m taking a break. However, referring to my maternity leave as a vacation is an epic misunderstanding that’s hard to ignore.
If you’ve just nurtured a tiny human inside your body, and then that little one rudely emerges and starts crying for what feels like an eternity, it’s quite insulting to label those sleepless months of survival a vacation. Let’s break this down:
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Sleep
Vacation: Waking up naturally, basking in the morning sun, and enjoying slow, lazy mornings.
NOT vacation: Being jolted awake every one to three hours by a hungry baby who seems to have the appetite of a piranha. You stumble into the bathroom, only to see your exhausted self in the mirror and wonder if you’ll ever catch a break. -
Body Changes
Vacation: Your body is relaxed, soaking up the sun, and feeling great in a swimsuit.
NOT vacation: Your body is swollen, sore, and feels like it’s been through a war zone. If you deal with mastitis (trust me, I did), you find yourself nursing on a red, inflamed area that resembles something out of a horror movie. -
Drinks
Vacation: Sipping on your favorite beverage whenever you please.
NOT vacation: Chugging down water like it’s your lifeline to produce enough milk. You’ll never want to see another glass of water again. -
Companions
Vacation: Enjoying time with friends or a loving partner who’s just as excited as you are.
NOT vacation: Being accompanied by a tiny, wailing creature who’s still figuring out how this whole life thing works. -
Scenery
Vacation: Exploring beautiful places and feeling grateful to be there.
NOT vacation: Staring at the same four walls of your bedroom and feeling trapped, cold, and hungry, all while your baby is wide awake again. -
Bodily Functions
Vacation: Just managing your own stuff.
NOT vacation: Juggling your own bodily issues along with those of a newborn who’s still learning how to eat and poop without causing chaos. -
Emotions
Vacation: Generally feeling happy and maybe a bit sentimental.
NOT vacation: Crying uncontrollably while cleaning your home in a frenzy, leaving your partner bewildered and worried about your mental state. -
Self-Image
Vacation: Who cares about appearance when you’re on a getaway?
NOT vacation: Panicking at the store, feeling like a whale, and purchasing the most expensive shirt just to feel somewhat comfortable for the next three months. -
Food
Vacation: Enjoying delicious meals and snacks.
NOT vacation: Forgetting where the kitchen is and stressing about what you can eat, fearing that anything could lead to a sleepless night with a cranky baby. -
Intimacy
Vacation: Yes, please!
NOT vacation: The mere thought of intimacy may make you want to run away.
While babies are undeniably adorable and bring joy, let’s not pretend that maternity leave is anything close to a vacation.
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In summary, maternity leave is a whirlwind of sleepless nights, physical changes, and emotional rollercoasters—definitely not a vacation!