Two simple words were all it took to unleash a torrent of memories and sorrow. Those words transported me back to June 23, 2013, a day filled with both joy and heartache as I welcomed my triplets into the world, only to lose my first child that very same day.
Our little survivor, Mia, has a bedtime ritual where she greets her siblings. Above her changing table, three shadowboxes proudly display photos and keepsakes from our micro-preemies born at just 22 weeks. Mia adores these boxes and often says, “Hi Sophie” and “Hi Lucas.” But one night took a poignant turn. As she greeted Sophie, she gazed at the picture and softly said, “Wake up.”
How do you convey to your daughter that her twin sister will never awaken? How do you explain that Sophie lived for mere hours and Lucas for only two months? How can I share that we never had the chance to see Sophie’s beautiful eyes, as they were still sealed shut at 22 weeks? In that moment, tears began to well, and a huge lump formed in my throat. My sweet girl, who had faced significant developmental delays, was beginning to grasp the concept of sibling loss. Recently, Mia discovered her own voice—a soft, lovely sound that often catches me off guard.
I never anticipated that such innocent words could evoke both joy and profound sadness. When Mia encouraged her sister to “wake up,” my heart filled with pride. She remembers Sophie and Lucas, sharing an unbreakable bond that began in the womb. It struck me that one day we would have to explain to Mia why her siblings are no longer with us. I always knew this conversation would come, but I never imagined it would be so soon.
Our two angels will forever be a cherished part of our family, and I will always be their mother. I’m uncertain how I’ll explain things to Mia when the time comes, or how I’ll help her understand why she remains here with us today, but I know we will be there to support her as she navigates her grief.
As for those two simple words—“wake up”—it’s a moment I will hold dear forever. In that instant, all my fears faded away, and my maternal instinct took over. I looked at Mia and smiled as I softly said, “Sophie is sleeping in heaven.” I wrapped my arms around my precious daughter, reluctant to let go. As tears fell onto her tiny face, Mia whispered back, “Heaven.”
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Summary: This piece reflects on the profound impact of sibling loss as a mother navigates her daughter’s innocent inquiries about her deceased siblings. The emotional journey captures the bond between siblings, the challenges of explaining loss, and the enduring love that remains within the family.