The contrast between my marriage before kids and how it stands now that we have two little ones is striking. Our focus is constantly pulled in different directions by our energetic toddlers. Time feels limited, patience runs thin, and we often find ourselves utterly drained.
At first glance, the love we share post-kids might appear a bit lackluster, reminiscent of a beer that’s been left out a tad too long. However, while it may lack the initial spark and thrill, love after children can be incredibly profound and fulfilling—much like a rich cabernet that has matured beautifully.
Before Kids vs. After Kids
Before kids, our love was characterized by spontaneous Saturday night outings and leisurely Sunday mornings spent in bed. Now, it involves meticulously planning a date night only to end up with takeout on the couch, binge-watching Netflix because the babysitter canceled, or one of the kids caught a bug.
Prior to children, public displays of affection (PDA) were all about getting cozy in a dimly lit bar or swaying to music on a dance floor. Nowadays, PDA takes the form of a quick dance in the kitchen on a Friday night or a sneaky kiss before the kids chime in with their “Eww! Gross!” remarks.
Love used to be expressed through heartfelt Hallmark cards and lengthy love letters. Now, it’s a simple Post-It note on the nightstand saying, “I took the kids for donuts so you could sleep in,” or a midday text promising to handle the laundry that night.
In the past, spontaneous intimate moments resembled a marathon of sorts. Now, they’re more likely to happen as a hurried encounter in the bathroom while the kids are occupied with their video games.
Before we were parents, we enjoyed long runs together followed by a health-conscious smoothie stop. Now, our gym visits consist of dropping the kids off at childcare, sitting in the sauna, and pretending to exercise.
Arguments before children could get heated, but reconciliation would follow with heartfelt discussions. These days, disagreements still occur, but finding time to talk them through can take days, often leaving us too tired to remember what sparked the fight initially, leading to a quick kiss and a shared understanding of each other’s good intentions.
Previously, we had separate bathrooms for privacy. Now, it’s about giving my wife some much-needed alone time in our cramped shared space, despite the fact that I’ve witnessed everything that comes with childbirth.
Love was once a hope-filled notion that my partner would excel as a father. Now, it’s a comforting reality that he truly is a wonderful dad.
We used to engage in passionate debates about everything from politics to TV shows. Now, our discussions revolve around financial plans for the kids and whether Caillou or Daniel Tiger is more annoying.
Sundays were once spent lounging on the couch, enjoying football games with snacks in hand. Now, our weekends are filled with cheering for our daughter’s basketball game and racing to our son’s hockey match, all while ensuring my wife has time to catch up with her friends.
Before kids, love was about dreaming big together. Now, it’s coordinating pickup schedules for daycare through quick text messages.
Through all these changes, the essence of love remains—full of forgiveness, hope, joy, teamwork, friendship, and an unwavering belief in one another.
Though we started as two individuals in love, we’ve transformed into a couple who is deeply in love while nurturing a family.
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Summary
The journey of love and marriage evolves significantly after having children. While the initial excitement may fade, the depth and richness of love grow as parents navigate the challenges and joys of family life together. The essence of their relationship transforms, embodying a strong partnership rooted in mutual respect and shared responsibilities.