My Dearest Little One,
As your arrival approached, I found myself chatting with family and friends, recalling all the joyful moments. I had convinced myself that becoming a mother of two would drive me into seclusion, leaving us to be a blissful family—just pale and sensitive to the light. But the reality was that welcoming another child brought its own set of challenges, yet we adapted quickly and made our way out into the world—mostly for essentials like nipple cream and Motrin, but we did manage to get out nonetheless. Of course, it hasn’t been without its bumps along the way.
You’re just 11 months old, and I’ve already raised you in a very different way than I did your older sibling. That’s why I’m writing this letter now, so that when you’re older, you’ll know that I recognize it. So please, read on and remember that your mommy loves you dearly.
I’m sorry I dropped you. Yes, it’s true. One moment you were peacefully sleeping on my chest, and the next, you rolled off and landed with a thud. I think it shook me up more than you! You cried for a moment, then flashed that adorable smile of yours, which made me think I had caused some serious harm.
To be fair, it was a crowded bed that night—your dad was there, and your brother crawled in, pushing me right to the edge. And let’s not forget that I was completely exhausted from nursing you through the night. I even contemplated getting you a tiny safety suit, like a flying squirrel, but we ultimately decided to upgrade to a bigger bed instead.
I’m also sorry that I don’t have as many fun facts about you as I did for your brother. His baby book is filled with every little milestone, every giggle, every wiggly toe. I was so attentive then! But just today, I turned a corner to find you standing up, holding the Swiffer for balance. Wow, you’re already a little acrobat, and I had no idea!
When you look back at your baby book, it might read “Place photo here,” and you’ll know that I didn’t have time for silly details. I was too busy showering you with love and wiping your brother’s bottom.
I’m sorry for letting your brother pee near you. Okay, I’ll be honest—he actually did pee on you in the bathtub, specifically on your arm. Maybe a bit splashed on your face, too, but not much!
In fact, I’m sorry that your brother seems to do mean things to you regularly. It’s not that he’s being malicious; it’s just that he often acts as if you’re invisible. If you’re crawling in his way, he’ll run right into you without a second thought. And if you’re holding a toy, he’ll just take it from you without hesitation.
But here’s the catch—you laugh at everything he does and follow him everywhere, despite the chaos. I correct him every time, and I make him give you hugs and kisses, but sometimes, that doesn’t change his behavior. One day, you two will be the best of friends. For now, I’ll just help you get back at him occasionally. When he gets an icy pop, you get to lick it first. And when he’s at school, I let you play in his room. If he asks why his toys are out of place, I’ll just say it was an earthquake. Our little secret!
I’m sorry you often look like a fashion disaster. Your brother had a closet full of cute new clothes, while you mostly wear his old hand-me-downs. Getting two kids ready feels like running a 5k scavenger hunt! We do arrive at our destination—sometimes a little late—but then I look down at you and realize you’re sporting an interesting outfit complete with a food stain that I forgot to clean up. If “hobo baby” becomes a trend, you’d definitely set the standard.
But I think this is an important lesson for you. You might wonder why every outfit is covered in dried food, but remember—it’s not about the clothes; it’s about your attitude, and you seem to be a very happy little one.
I’m sorry if anyone ever tries to convince you that I love you less than your brother. Some might say that loving a second child is impossible, but that’s just not true. You will hear this lie more as you grow, but let me assure you, from the moment the doctor placed you in my arms, I knew how deeply I could love.
It’s entirely possible to love someone so much it feels overwhelming, again and again. I would give my life for you and your brother without a second thought. My love for you is just as fierce as my love for him, and that will never change.
So while I may have accidentally dropped you, forgotten to document your milestones, let some pee fly, and dressed you in less-than-stylish outfits, know this: I love you with every part of me, and you will never hear an apology for that.
With all the love in my heart,
Mom