March 9, 2023
This past weekend, I took a significant step: I enrolled my youngest child in pre-K. As I did, tears filled my eyes—many tears, to be honest. Like many milestones in parenting, this moment was laced with a mix of emotions.
On one hand, the thought of having four hours a day to myself feels like a dream come true. After being a (mostly) stay-at-home parent for nine years, the upcoming September marks the beginning of my tenth year. A whole decade! For those of us who might be a bit sleep-deprived, that’s quite a milestone.
I am confident that my little one will flourish in pre-K, and I am thrilled for him to forge new friendships and enjoy new experiences. When we visited the pre-K, he was so captivated by the toys, we had to practically drag him out when it was time to leave. My main concern, however, isn’t about how he’ll handle the separation—it’s about how I will.
While I yearn for some freedom from the relentless demands of being a full-time caregiver, I know I will miss those tender moments. I’ll miss the way his small body fits snugly on my lap during a cozy, rainy day as I read yet another train story. I’ll even find myself nostalgic for his constant requests for snacks or those little fingers tugging at my shirt while I tackle the never-ending pile of dishes.
With seven months left before he starts school, I navigate these days with a sense of urgency, knowing our time together is limited. It’s a strange feeling; I’m relieved that some of the challenging aspects of parenting will soon ease, yet I can’t help but reflect on the fleeting nature of our moments together. That finality weighs heavily on my heart.
In the early days of motherhood, it was tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Between sleepless nights, the intense demands of my kids, and my own insecurities, believing that things would improve felt impossible. But now, with an end date marked for freedom, a little phrase runs through my mind: “It was all worth it.”
Every single moment was worth it. A decade of comforting tears (both theirs and mine). A decade of dealing with runny noses. A decade of being woken up by tiny fingers prying my eyes open. A decade of days filled with conversations limited to children under ten. A decade of never completing a task without being interrupted constantly. A decade of clothes stained with everything from spit-up to pasta sauce. A decade of cold coffee and meals consumed in mere minutes between requests for more snacks. A decade of always having an audience during bathroom breaks and timing my liquid intake to avoid bathroom trips with toddlers in tow.
A decade of strapping in squirming, protesting kids into car seats, hoping they won’t nap at inconvenient times while never getting a chance to listen to grown-up music. A decade of navigating nap times, with my kids sprawled across me, hoping for a moment of peace. A decade of weariness and longing for just five minutes of quiet, all while praying my kids don’t fight while I take a moment for myself.
A decade of sacrificing personal wealth, peace, and sometimes even my sanity. A decade of cereal dinners, snacks for breakfast, and a floor perpetually littered with half-eaten meals. A decade of counting down to bedtime and then staring at their sleeping faces, silently apologizing for any impatience shown throughout the day. A decade of feeling inadequate but also being everything to them.
It was all worth it. Every moment, including the tough ones—perhaps especially the tough ones. Those moments when I felt at my breaking point, yet persevered. Love was my guide through it all, teaching me resilience and reminding me of my strength. It showed me just how much I could accomplish on little sleep and how to cut myself some slack.
I recognize how challenging it is to see this perspective in the thick of it. There were times I wanted to escape, overwhelmed by the demands of it all. But now, reflecting on those days, I see bravery in my struggles and how worthwhile every moment was, including the hardest ones.
I realize that my son starting school won’t magically eliminate the challenges of motherhood. There will still be many hours each day filled with parenting responsibilities. The challenges I face with older kids may not be as physically exhausting, but they can be emotionally taxing in new ways.
Still, knowing this transition is on the horizon reminds me of how quickly these years have passed. I’m focusing on making the most of each day, reminding myself that the difficult times are just as temporary as the joyful ones. Ultimately, every experience—even the most overwhelming—will be worth it in the end.
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Summary:
Laura reflects on the bittersweet emotions surrounding her youngest child’s enrollment in pre-K, marking a decade of parenting filled with both challenges and joys. She finds value in every moment, acknowledging the difficulties while embracing the love that has guided her through the years. As she anticipates her child’s new journey, she cherishes the fleeting nature of their time together, aiming to savor each day.