Bringing a baby into the world has put a significant strain on my marriage. I can’t be the only one feeling this way, right? Everyone talks about the drastic changes that come with parenthood, and they are absolutely correct. Yet, no one prepared me for the moments when I felt like slamming the door in my husband’s face and telling him to leave. To be honest, that has happened more than once—and my words were anything but polite.
I recall how my husband went above and beyond when we first returned home from the hospital. After about a week of this royal treatment, I started to wonder how long it would last, knowing that it couldn’t go on forever. Before long, we transitioned from the blissful phase of new parenthood to arguing about everything under the sun—diapers, baths, sleep, meals, the dogs, outfits, hair accessories, visitors, swaddles, pacifiers—the list goes on. If he didn’t do something exactly how I would have, then he was doing it wrong. Meanwhile, he felt like I was nagging him constantly, which, looking back, I probably was.
Our biggest disagreements initially revolved around sleep. I was utterly exhausted from nursing through the night, while he enjoyed eight hours of uninterrupted rest—this drove me up the wall. When I returned to work, guilt consumed me. I worried about every little thing, from packing enough bottles to ensuring she had enough diapers. My husband, however, seemed blissfully unaware of these concerns. My resentment toward him grew.
Life turned into a monotonous routine, one that neither of us found fulfilling. We loved each other, but parenting was challenging. Then, one day, everything changed. After a long day at work, I was preparing food for the baby when he asked how he could help. I requested that he clean the bottles, and to my surprise, he obliged. As I placed the food on the highchair, he turned around and said, “Thank you for everything you do for our daughter and our family. I appreciate it.” I was taken aback. After months of feeling exhausted and frustrated, all I really wanted was for my husband to acknowledge my efforts and show appreciation.
Reflecting on the past year, I realized I had only thanked him a handful of times, mostly during those early days when I desperately needed his support. I never expressed gratitude for his nightly dinner preparations or for working hard to provide for our family so I could hopefully stay home with the kids one day. I also failed to appreciate his help with the dogs, grocery shopping, and even hanging up the Christmas lights. Since that day, I’ve made it a point to express gratitude more often. As a result, I now focus on the positives of what he does, rather than what he may overlook.
Having a baby transforms your life, your identity, and your relationship. It’s incredibly tough. Somewhere along the way, I forgot one of the simplest lessons we learn as children: the power of a genuine thank-you.
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In summary, gratitude can have a profound effect on our relationships, especially in the challenging journey of parenthood. Recognizing the efforts of our partners not only strengthens bonds but also helps shift our perspective toward the positives.