As my 3-year-old, Leo, embarks on his potty training journey, he has taken to wandering the house in his birthday suit—clothes seem to be an enemy in his eyes. Amidst his bathroom endeavors, splashing his superhero Legos in the sink, and proudly accumulating stickers for his potty chart, he’s also grown curious about his body and has been posing a flurry of questions.
“Mommy,” he innocently asks, “when will my penis turn into a vagina?”
Some of his queries crack me up, like that last one. Others are more straightforward, such as when he asks about his scrotum, how poop exits the body, or why his father has hair around his penis. While these questions could make some parents squirm, I see them as golden opportunities to initiate discussions about how bodies work.
I strive to answer him honestly and clearly, aiming for simplicity:
- “No, you won’t get a vagina. Boys have penises, and girls have vaginas.”
- “Poop comes out of that little hole in the back.”
- “Daddy has hair there because that’s part of growing up.”
- “Your scrotum is the pouch that holds your testes.”
Like most toddlers, Leo’s curiosity doesn’t stop there. He wants to know what testes are and their function, leading me to revisit our earlier conversation about where babies come from.
“Remember when I told you that a piece of mommy and a piece of daddy come together to make you? Well, your testes are where the little pieces from daddy are made, but you won’t make them until you’re older.”
Some topics are trickier to explain, but I do my best, often using illustrated books that we have at home—some geared specifically for children, while others are just general books about reproduction. He’s captivated by it all and asks to read more every night. He loves looking at pictures of sperm and eggs, and how cells multiply to form a fetus.
I view this early exploration as planting seeds (pun intended!). I don’t want the “sex talk” to be a surprise for my kids. Instead, I aim for them to have a foundational understanding of their bodies and sex, one that we can build upon as they grow. I don’t want any of this to feel secretive or taboo.
I initiate these discussions as soon as they show interest, which for both of my boys has been around age 2. They’re eager to learn where they came from, what their private parts are called, and what their functions are. I don’t shy away from any details, explaining everything in an age-appropriate manner.
It’s easier than you might think. You’d be amazed at how much young children can grasp. If you present it simply and without laughter (which can be a challenge!), they’ll accept it as naturally as you would when discussing how flowers bloom or how to bake cookies.
It’s us adults who often feel awkward, not the kids.
Here are a few more reasons why I start these conversations early:
- I want my children to appreciate and respect their bodies, avoiding the body shame that can emerge at a young age.
- I aim for them to respect the bodies of others, preparing them for future intimate relationships.
- I want them to feel safe coming to me if, heaven forbid, anyone ever touches them inappropriately. I want them to know I’m a trustworthy person to talk to about these matters, free from shame.
- I want them to hear about sex from me and my partner first, not from peers, TV, or the internet, which often provide inaccurate or frightening information.
- I want them to know that as they grow, they can still come to me with questions, and I’ll provide honest answers. I recognize that as they become teenagers, they might prefer discussing some topics with friends, which is healthy, but I want them to feel safe reaching out to me for help.
Now, my 9-year-old son, Max, has a solid understanding of bodies, sex, birth, and even menstruation. I know there are aspects he still doesn’t fully grasp, but our conversations will continue as he approaches puberty.
When I mentioned I was writing about our approach to discussing sex at an early age, I asked him what he thought were the pros and cons of this method.
He replied that the pros are it makes him smarter, while the cons are that it might be gross.
“Fair point,” I said, then asked if he actually finds the topic gross.
“Nope,” he replied, which reinforces my belief that understanding our bodies and their functions is normal and natural, not something to be embarrassed about.
As for little Leo, he might still be confused about the idea that his penis could transform into a vagina someday, but we’re working on clearing that up. I’ll do my best not to chuckle the next time he wonders if I have a penis tucked away somewhere in my vagina.
For more insights on this topic, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Initiating the sex talk with kids early allows for open communication about bodies and respect. By answering questions simply and honestly, parents can help children feel comfortable discussing intimate topics without shame. This approach fosters a healthy understanding of sex, helping children to respect their bodies and those of others while ensuring they have a safe person to turn to for guidance.