Finding friends as a mom can feel like searching for Bigfoot. You’ve heard tales of the perfect mom friend—you might even think you’ve glimpsed one in the wild—but they often remain elusive, much like the legendary creature you’ve heard about around campfires.
So when you finally meet “The One,” you cling to her like a lifeline. The One is the first to suggest exciting weekend plans and invites your entire family to join in. When she bakes treats for her family, she makes sure to share with you. She’ll grab extra tickets to the latest kids’ movie just in case you’re interested, and she’ll even offer to tag along when you have errands to run. She’s even organized a family getaway for a much-needed break.
At first, The One seems to be everything you hoped for in a mom friend—just about perfect. But soon enough, you find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Yes, it’s true. You can’t stand her anymore. It turns out that beneath her seemingly perfect exterior, The One is a needy friend in disguise, and what she needs is you—constantly and without hesitation.
Your friendship began in a typical fashion. You met—maybe at your child’s school, the park, or through mutual friends—and immediately hit it off. Making mom friends can be tough, so when you clicked, it felt like winning the mom lottery. You began arranging playdates, grabbing coffee when you could, and planning kid-friendly outings. You even introduced her to your partner and had dinner dates, leading you to consider her one of your closest adult friends.
But before long, the invitations morphed into what felt like demands—requests for weekly carpooling, joint sign-ups for gymnastics, swimming, and piano lessons, and an expectation to spend nearly every moment together. You started feeling guilty for declining invitations, sensing her disappointment transform into resentment with each “no.” Avoiding her at school drop-off became a necessity as you dreaded her pre-planned Sundays without even consulting you. You even found yourself screening her calls, hiding when the doorbell rang, worried it might be her showing up with a packed schedule of activities.
You longed for the early days when you were just getting to know each other, rather than feeling like the star in a dramatic tale of dependency. When you tried to ease away from the friendship, using the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” approach, it didn’t work. True to form, she charmed and guilted you back, suggesting a relaxing day with wine and truffles, complete with a babysitter she had already arranged.
What began as a dream friendship turned into a draining obligation. Much like finally spotting Bigfoot, only to find it was just an oversized rodent, your ideal mom friend ended up being more of an exhausting toddler clinging to your sanity. You were hoping for camaraderie with someone else navigating the challenges of motherhood—someone equally tired and overwhelmed, who could help you forget about the chaos of raising kids and share the comfort of yoga pants. Instead, you found yourself burdened with guilt and regret.
It’s time to reclaim your freedom and say goodbye to this friendship. You already have enough on your plate, and guilt has never been a dish you enjoyed.
For more on navigating relationships and motherhood, check out our other blog posts, including insights on terms and conditions. If you’re looking for authoritative information, visit Make a Mom. And for helpful resources on pregnancy and home insemination, UCSF’s Center is excellent.
Summary
Navigating friendships as a mom can be challenging, especially when a once-perfect friend becomes overly needy. It’s important to recognize when it’s time to take a step back and prioritize your own well-being over an exhausting friendship.