Living with anxiety can feel like navigating a stormy sea. From an early age, I’ve battled with panic attacks and overwhelming worry. As a child, I often felt an irrational fear of being unjustly blamed for things that weren’t my fault. Whether it was a scribble on the wall or a harmless game of tic-tac-toe, I was convinced I’d be the one in trouble.
As I grew older, my fears evolved. I developed phobias about flying and crowded places, driven by the concern over mass shootings. In my twenties, I turned to cognitive behavioral therapy, exercise, meditation, and yoga, which helped ease some of my fears. However, new anxieties often emerged, especially after I became a parent. My worries shifted from fearing for my children’s safety to feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood. I sometimes panic when my kids are late for school or when I’m unwell and unsure how I will manage my day.
Anxiety runs in my family. While certain situations in my childhood may have intensified it, I believe I’m simply wired to be more sensitive and perfectionistic. This sensitivity can lead to intense creativity and productivity but can also make me feel like I’m suffocating under pressure.
Though I may appear calm and composed on the outside, anxiety is often an invisible battle, marked by racing thoughts and deep-seated fears. If you’re close to someone with anxiety, it’s important to understand that their feelings are real, even if they seem irrational. Here are six things to avoid saying to someone who struggles with anxiety, along with suggestions for how to truly help:
- “But you don’t seem anxious.”
Many anxiety sufferers appear well put together, but that doesn’t mean their feelings are any less intense. Please don’t downplay their experiences. - “That’s not really something to be afraid of.”
While our fears may seem exaggerated, they feel very real to us. There’s no need to remind us of our fears’ irrationality. - “This medication or technique is the solution for you.”
What works for one person may not work for another. Some find relief through medication, while others thrive on meditation or exercise. It’s important to respect individual paths to healing. - “Just snap out of it.”
If overcoming anxiety were that simple, we would do it immediately. Anxiety can be a physical experience that lingers long after an episode. - “I understand; I worry sometimes too.”
There’s a significant difference between normal worries and anxiety attacks. The latter involves intense physical and psychological symptoms. - “But you have so much to be grateful for.”
Acknowledging gratitude doesn’t erase anxiety. Our feelings are valid, and guilt only adds to the burden.
If you know someone who grapples with anxiety, the best thing you can do is to listen and show your love. True listening means being present without judgment—putting down your phone, making eye contact, and allowing them to express their fears without interruption. Sometimes, a gentle touch on the shoulder can provide comfort.
For those experiencing anxiety, find supportive people who understand your journey. If someone increases your anxiety or makes you feel guilty about it, it’s okay to distance yourself. Your well-being is paramount, and it’s essential to seek out peaceful environments. Anxiety might not disappear on its own, but with the right tools—be it therapy, medication, or mindfulness practices—you can manage it effectively.
Ultimately, you deserve the time and care it takes to feel better, and remember, you’re not alone in this journey. For more information on managing anxiety, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.