Postpartum depression and anxiety can often be hidden behind a smile or a carefully curated social media post. Surprised? I was too.
I had a seemingly perfect birthing experience, yet it didn’t take long for me to feel overwhelmed. From the moment our beautiful baby boy entered the world, he cried incessantly. After just four hours, I made the unexpected decision to send him to the nursery so I could catch a few hours of sleep after a sleepless night (and that was my first taste of mom guilt).
Within a week, we faced sleepless nights, endless frustration, and many tears, only to discover that he struggled to latch properly, which meant I had to switch to exclusively pumping. Those early weeks were a blur of exhaustion and unrelenting stress. I never anticipated that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed traditionally, and I had to mourn that loss as well.
Just two weeks postpartum, I took an online postpartum depression screening and it was a wake-up call. In those early days, I found myself crying daily. I didn’t know what felt “normal,” but I certainly didn’t feel like myself. Fear consumed me, and my occasional panic attacks were now a frequent visitor. I felt fragile, like I could break at any moment.
I’ve tackled many challenging situations throughout my life—addressing crowds, mentoring at-risk youth, and participating in outreach programs. But this journey into parenthood? It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever faced.
People around me asked questions like, “Aren’t you having the best time?” and “Isn’t it amazing?” which only fueled my guilt. I adored my son, but I was still getting used to my new identity and this little stranger who was now my world. It seemed like everyone else effortlessly embraced motherhood, which made me feel even more isolated.
At my six-week checkup, there was no postpartum screening, and my midwife brushed off my concerns. I reached out to counselors, but none accepted my insurance, leaving me frustrated and alone. Though my husband was supportive, I kept my struggles a secret from others, even my best friend and mom. I felt like postpartum depression was a personal failure, a sign that I wasn’t a good mom.
Finally, around four months postpartum, I found a counselor, and I’m so grateful I did. I opened up to my loved ones, and their support was overwhelming. I adjusted my work schedule for a better balance between the old me and the new me, which helped tremendously. Connecting with other new moms brought me life, and I made the decision to start medication, which was the right path for me. It took several months for the fog to lift, but I can now say that I genuinely love parenthood. I’m happy and feel equipped to navigate the challenges of this new chapter.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, know this: You are not alone. Parenting is incredibly tough, but you’re a fantastic mom doing an amazing job. It does get easier. You’ll find your groove, and your baby will stop crying so much. Life will begin to feel joyful again. You’ll rediscover yourself, enjoy date nights, and even get some sleep. Remember, you are not alone.
Moms experiencing postpartum anxiety and depression are strong and loving individuals who simply feel a bit too much. They are heroes for getting out of bed each day. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to seek help. Just like you wouldn’t ignore a broken leg, postpartum mood disorders deserve attention and care. You will come through this. You are cherished, and you truly are a wonderful mom.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize and address postpartum challenges. Seeking help and connecting with others can make a world of difference in your journey through motherhood.