Recently, my partner and I marked nine years of marriage, and it got me thinking about how much has shifted since we first tied the knot. Before we welcomed kids into our lives, we spent our days enjoying leisurely brunches, weekend hikes, and the occasional spontaneous getaway. Well, maybe not those exact activities, but we certainly had more freedom to enjoy life without the constant hum of parenting in the background. Nowadays, as parenthood has transformed us individually, it has also reshaped our relationship. Here are five notable ways our marriage has changed after having kids.
1. Negotiation Skills
In the early days, my partner and I effortlessly synchronized our plans for the weekend. With an agenda of sleeping in, enjoying lunch, and catching a movie, there was little room for disagreement. Now, planning our free time feels like a legal negotiation. A typical conversation might go like this:
Him: I’ll handle the kids’ soccer if you take them shopping for birthday gifts this weekend.
Me: No way! I’ll handle the parties, you go gift shopping while I zone out in front of the TV and pretend I’m not missing plotlines that don’t involve animated characters.
Him: What if I take them to three of the parties?
Me: Add in a burrito, and we’ve got a deal!
2. Entertainment Choices
While we were never the adventurous types we like to reminisce about, we did occasionally venture out. Dining out, exploring parks, or catching up with friends sans kids was our norm. Nowadays, our weekends are filled with bounce-house parties and trips to Chuck E. Cheese. Yet, oddly enough, I genuinely enjoy these experiences with him. There’s no one else I’d rather share popcorn with at a family-friendly movie, even if our kids inevitably spill it everywhere.
3. Conversations
Back when it was just the two of us, our discussions ranged widely, from politics to the latest pop culture trends. Now, our romantic dinners often sound like this:
Him: Did you catch last night’s episode of that zombie show? I thought…
Me (trying to stay focused): Zombies, zombies, zombies… Did our daughter remember to brush her teeth? Is our son asleep? Did I pay the babysitter?
Him (looking expectantly): Well? What did you think?
Me: I enjoyed the part where the zombies were involved.
4. Romantic Moments
Once upon a time, candlelit dinners and weekend getaways defined our romantic life. Now, it’s the little gestures that keep the flame alive. Whether it’s holding hands at the movies before our daughter announces she needs the restroom or sharing fries at a fast-food joint, we find joy in these small moments. No, it’s not the Venetian gondola ride we envisioned on our honeymoon, but strangely, it’s even better.
5. Rediscovering Love
Perhaps the most unexpected change has been falling in love with a new version of my partner: the father of our children. Parenthood has transformed him into a nurturing figure, someone who kisses scrapes, tosses our son playfully, and works tirelessly for our family. Just as I fell in love with him years ago, each day I find myself falling for this man who is navigating the wild journey of parenthood alongside me.
Reflecting on nearly a decade of marriage and over five years of parenting, I see how our relationship has evolved. While I miss our romantic escapades, there’s something uniquely magical about sharing a glance at the playground or enjoying family pizza night. The person I’m experiencing these moments with is more than just my husband; together, we’ve become something greater.
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Summary:
In summary, having children profoundly alters the dynamics of marriage. From negotiations about weekend plans to adapting forms of entertainment and sparking new conversations, the journey of parenthood brings couples closer in unexpected ways. While the romance may have shifted, it has evolved into something equally beautiful, revealing new depths of love and partnership.