Once, I had a candid chat with a friend about the realities of our daily lives. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom, while he held a prestigious position at a high-end advertising firm—something like “Director of Creative Brand Synergy.” I was curious about what that actually involved.
“I manage creative brand synergy,” he explained.
“What does that mean in layman’s terms?” I pressed.
“I coordinate creative brand initiatives,” he replied, slightly annoyed.
“So, when you stroll into the office and grab your morning coffee, what do you do until you clock out?” I asked, breaking it down like he was in kindergarten.
“I send emails,” he answered. “What about you?”
“I clean up messes,” I replied.
Motherhood comes with a variety of labels: homemaker, domestic manager, working mom, full-time mom, stay-at-home mom, or work-at-home mom. Regardless of how we define these roles, when it comes to the daily tasks that embody motherhood, the reality is a lot of cleaning.
To be honest, it’s more than just wiping surfaces. I find myself scraping, scrubbing, folding, and sweeping as well. If you really looked at my daily grind, you could easily say I’m a cleaning service.
The issue lies in my dislike for cleaning. I can’t stand chores that need constant repetition, like doing dishes or laundry. (I even feel this way about personal grooming; sometimes, while showering, I think, “Didn’t I just do this yesterday?”)
Having a baby brings a slew of surprises: the pain of childbirth, the high cost of childcare, and the countless unsolicited tips about keeping your baby warm, even when it’s 70 degrees outside. But what truly shocked me, something no one prepared me for, was the exponential increase in cleaning. I’d say it quintuples, but maybe there’s a term for ten times? dectuples?
Before kids, my husband and I treated chores as an afterthought. We’d wash a few dishes each night and vacuum sporadically. But once kids enter the picture, a simple meal turns my kitchen into a disaster zone. After breakfast, it looks like a battle occurred, with toast crumbs and jam splattered everywhere. We use an absurd number of plates, cutting boards, and utensils for each meal. Grit seems to perpetually cling to the floor, despite my best efforts.
The dirty dishes feel like they’re on a never-ending conveyor belt. In the early days as a stay-at-home mom, I used to joke with my husband about Sisyphus’ wife, whom I called Dishyphus. While Sisyphus pushed his rock, Dishyphus was at home battling egg residue on frying pans. Then I’d often find myself in tears. Thankfully, my wise husband suggested we reassess how we divide household tasks.
Even with both of us pitching in, it feels like an endless cycle. It takes us virtually all day to manage the chaos our kids create. Someone is always cutting tiny bits of paper that are too small to pick up by hand yet too large for the vacuum. Another child has turned their bedroom door into a canvas for their marker scribbles. Sand from shoes somehow ends up in my freshly made bed, and muddy handprints mysteriously appear on the sink after washing up. And let’s not even get started on the toilet aim during late-night trips.
After a long day, my husband will stash a pan of leftover pasta sauce in the fridge, thinking he’ll eat it later—knowing full well it’ll soon become a science experiment. Shoes, backpacks, and jackets create a cluttered path from the front door to the living room, and I’ve given up asking the kids to put their things away.
When you give birth in a hospital, new mothers should really receive a starter kit that includes microfiber cloths, rags, and paper towels. Alongside the breastfeeding and bathing classes, there should be a session on housekeeping. “Brace yourself,” they should say. “Breastfeeding and diaper changes are temporary, but cleaning? That’s a lifetime commitment.”
In summary, the hidden struggles of motherhood often revolve around one simple, messy task: cleaning. While the joys of raising children are immeasurable, the sheer volume of mess can be overwhelming. It’s a truth that deserves to be shared and acknowledged.