Every generation of parents starts off with the intention of “I’ll Do Things Differently” compared to their own upbringing, only to eventually find themselves settling into their own survival mode. I currently find myself navigating the tightrope between wanting to break the mold of my childhood and just figuring out how to manage my own parenting style.
Growing up, my parents were incredibly relaxed. My mom, while determined to provide us with a good childhood, didn’t have the time to monitor my every potential mishap. To say I made mistakes would be an understatement. Her philosophy was clear: if I got into a mess, I needed to learn to get myself out of it—be resourceful, problem-solve, and ask for help if necessary. While this approach was beneficial in my adult life, it left me feeling like a bit of a wild child during my formative years.
There were no discussions about budgeting, no strict curfews, and certainly no nagging to eat my veggies. Instead, my upbringing focused on strong feminist values, female empowerment, and the joys of reading, but it lacked defined boundaries. Thankfully, my natural caution and respect for authority meant I never found myself in serious trouble.
Now that I’m a parent, I’ve swung to the other end of the spectrum. I’ve become, in comparison to my mother, a rather strict parent. I monitor my kids’ sugar intake and enforce a specific diet. Bedtime is strictly 7 p.m.—no exceptions. I’ve never allowed playdates without my presence, and I hover over their homework like a hawk. I’m that overzealous parent at the pediatrician’s office, school, and dentist—everything my mother was not.
And honestly, it’s driving me crazy. Recently, I had a realization: I’ve morphed into a Tiger Mom out of fear that I might be too lax, leaving my kids feeling neglected. Cooking, cleaning, organizing social events, and shuttling the kids around became not just responsibilities but the very essence of my life, draining my joy. I find myself snapping at my kids when they don’t fit into my rigid expectations.
In search of balance, I’ve decided to take a step back. I’ve noticed myself constantly directing my family, rearranging the house, and even folding laundry (seriously, who does that?). I realized it’s time to let go of some of my more obsessive behaviors. The cleaning can happen without me having a meltdown over misplaced socks. My kids can make their own dinner choices instead of adhering to my detailed meal plan. I might even dare to let my oldest go to a friend’s house without hovering.
Finding balance is now my top priority. Learning to relax and allow my kids to enjoy themselves, while I practice ignoring the messes, will ultimately make me a better mom. I don’t want to be a Tiger Mom, nor do I want to revert back to a passive parenting style. Like many moms out there, I’m cautiously wading through the uncertain waters of motherhood.
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In summary, my journey from a carefree childhood to a hyper-vigilant parenting style has highlighted the importance of finding balance. By letting go of some control and allowing my kids to navigate their own experiences, I hope to cultivate a more joyful family atmosphere.