“How long can this wait?” I ask, nervously glancing around the dental office. The hygienist, after turning off the glaring overhead light, replies, “It can’t wait. If the infection spreads into your jaw, it can lead to an abscess.” Her serious expression leaves little room for debate.
I grip the plastic armrests of the chair, my muscles still tense from the dental work. Later, I find myself Googling “abscessed tooth,” a decision I wouldn’t recommend unless you’re in the mood for a dental horror story.
“What are my options?” I inquire, trying to mask my anxiety. “You need a root canal to remove the infection. It’s been growing for six to nine months,” she explains, showing me an x-ray of my mouth. My untrained eye sees nothing out of the ordinary, but she reassures me that the bacteria are there.
With a resigned sigh, I agree to return next week. Reflecting on why I delayed my dental visit for over a year, I realize it was a poor choice, especially given my history with dental issues. While I can’t blame it on a lack of insurance—our coverage is good—I can point to one reason: “You know how easy it is to neglect yourself while focusing on your child,” a friend remarked over coffee. I nodded in understanding; I have the root canal to prove it.
This reflection highlights the stark contrast between how I care for my son, Oliver, and how I treat myself. My child enjoys nutritious meals, while I often settle for quick snacks. Oliver sleeps peacefully, while I stumble through the day like a zombie. My version of self-care typically involves fast food drive-thrus or retreating to the tub for some Netflix escapism. Don’t even ask when I last visited a gym.
For parents of young children, prioritizing self-care can feel impossible. We often struggle just to shower or finish a meal, let alone take time for ourselves. We’ve long since abandoned the idea of a regular sleep schedule. If you dare to mention self-care to a parent of a toddler, prepare for an eye roll; we’re too sleep-deprived for that kind of chat.
Oliver became my best excuse for avoiding the dentist. The year I overlooked my dental hygiene was filled with diaper changes, late-night feedings, and desperate pleas for sleep at 3 a.m. I justified my neglect of self-care because I was busy caring for him. But deep down, I know that using him as an excuse is just that—an excuse. I realize that neglecting my own needs doesn’t serve either of us well.
I find myself pondering what’s more beneficial: a parent who fixates solely on their child’s needs while ignoring their own, or a parent who balances self-care and provides a positive model for their child. I believe the latter sets a better example.
The way we demonstrate self-care influences how our children will learn to care for themselves. In their early years, we might be hyper-focused on their diets and routines, but eventually, they will notice how we treat ourselves. I don’t want to model unhealthy habits for Oliver; instead, I want him to see a parent who values self-care and well-being.
What will my child observe? It’s a thought that lingers in my mind. The truth is, children are keen observers. Oliver is 18 months old and already aware of how much time I spend on my phone. It’s both amusing and alarming to see him mimic my coffee-drinking habits.
I aim to be more mindful in my time with Oliver. I don’t strive for perfection, nor do I wish to induce guilt; rather, I want to acknowledge that parenting is a two-way street. My child reflects the areas in my life that require attention, and it’s up to me to recognize that reflection.
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Summary
Mindful parenting involves recognizing the importance of self-care. As parents, we often prioritize our children’s needs over our own, leading to neglect of our well-being. It’s essential to model healthy habits for our children, showing them that self-care is a vital aspect of life. By being mindful of how we care for ourselves, we can set a positive example for our children, ensuring they learn to value their own well-being.