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Friendship Dynamics in Motherhood
by Emily Parker
Feb. 21, 2016
Friendships in adulthood can be quite perplexing. As children, making friends is a breeze. You simply say, “Hey, I like your shirt! Wanna be friends?” and then proceed to play together for hours, even convincing your mom to let your new buddy stay over. In contrast, adult interactions often unfold like this: “Hey, I like your shirt,” followed by a nervous “Oh, thanks,” as the person quickly retreats from the aisle, eyeing you as if you’re about to make a move.
Yet as we navigate our daily lives, we start to see familiar faces and develop connections. When you have kids, bridging the gap between “Hi” and “Would you like to be friends?” becomes a little less daunting. “My child talks about Alex all the time. Want to grab coffee soon and let them play?” This approach shifts the focus to your kids’ needs, making any potential rejection feel less personal.
If you’re like me—juggling multiple kids, hobbies, and an extroverted personality—you’ll eventually find yourself organizing your friendships into categories. Here’s how I’ve sorted mine:
- The Lifelong Friends
These are the women who have been part of your life for years. Even if you live far apart now, they still hold a significant place in your heart. You can go months without seeing each other, yet when you reconnect, it’s as if no time has passed. You might even fantasize about traveling together in retirement. - The Pregnancy Crew
These friends shared the journey of pregnancy with you. Who else can you lament about stretch marks and sleepless nights with than those who are going through the same experiences? While you’ll keep in touch, life often leads you down different paths as your kids grow. - The Preschool Moms
Initially, you might have befriended these moms for your children’s social lives. There’s nothing like bonding over the challenges of wrangling boys who are full of energy. Knowing that another mom understands the chaos can make sharing a glass of wine a comforting experience. An “SOS” text can quickly lead to a lunch date, providing you both with some much-needed adult conversation. - The Friends of Friends
These friendships often blossom through mutual acquaintances. Sometimes they lead to a delightful connection, while other times they remain on the fringes of friendliness. Regardless, these relationships can spark memorable girls’ nights and festive get-togethers. - The Couple Friends
Having couple friends can be vital for maintaining a happy relationship while enjoying social outings. Finding a friend whose partner meshes well with yours is a win-win. The guys can bond over sports or games while the moms sip cocktails and the kids make a mess. - The Co-Worker Spouses
No one understands the challenges of your partner’s job quite like the spouses of their colleagues. While you can discuss work frustrations with anyone, these women truly grasp what you’re going through, allowing for more candid conversations without lengthy explanations. - The Activity Moms
This group includes those you meet through regular activities like sports, dance, or music lessons. I never imagined I would fall into this category. Initially, the thought of being a “soccer mom” felt uncomfortable to me, but cheering on our kids has created unexpected bonds. These women not only understand the challenges of parenting a tween girl but also provide a sense of community that’s invaluable.
I may not have a single “best friend” who knows every detail of my life, but I cherish the diverse friendships I’ve formed with women who share similar life stages. Through shared laughter, tears, and commiseration, I find that I have all I need.
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Summary
Friendships in motherhood can be complex yet rewarding. From lifelong friends to those met through kids’ activities, each relationship plays a vital role in navigating the challenges of parenthood. While there may not be a single best friend, the support found among various groups can provide the connection and understanding we all need.