Navigating life as the mother of a tween girl is certainly not for the faint-hearted. Most days, I feel like a programmed machine, reciting the same familiar phrases, only to be met with dramatic sighs and eye rolls. Each afternoon, I find myself holding my breath as she returns from school, carefully selecting my words to gauge her mood.
She often spends her free time glued to her iPad, headphones snugly in place. Just last night, she walked right into my husband in the hallway, claiming she “didn’t see him” despite his waving and shouting.
Lately, she has taken to calling me “Mother,” bypassing the more relatable “Mom.” When she does respond, it’s almost always with the phrase “I know, Mother.” Sometimes she says this while I’m still talking! I can only assume she’s trying to predict the future. Who knows, she might become a fortune teller or a star on some show like The Mentalist one day.
Since most of our exchanges now involve me trying to guide her toward better behavior (like scolding her for leaving drawers open when she exits a room), and her retorting with “I know, Mother,” I’ve taken to deciphering what she really means with that phrase. Here are some interpretations I’ve come up with:
- I know more than you.
- You’re clueless.
- I genuinely didn’t catch a word you just said because I’m not focused.
- I want my friend to sleep over, so I’m trying to seem agreeable.
- Your mouth is moving, but all I hear is “blah, blah, blah, back in my day, blah.”
- I’m one of the only kids who doesn’t have a phone, TV in my room, or any kind of life purpose, even though I can’t drive for three more years.
- Instead of cleaning my room, I shoved all my clothes—clean and dirty—into a plastic container under my bed.
- I’m not going to do what you just asked, but since I wasn’t listening, it’s a mystery if it’ll get done by chance.
- Why are you making such a big deal?
- I’m confused.
- You just don’t get it.
- Nobody understands me.
- You’re so embarrassing.
- If I do what you want, will you get me that new sweater?
- I know I said I’d do it, but I’m too worn out from binge-watching Netflix to actually follow through.
- I promise I don’t have any homework.
- What in the world are you talking about?
- I’m feeling sad.
- I’m really frustrated.
- I love you.
It feels like just yesterday when she would shadow me everywhere, eager to share her secrets and climb into my lap. Now, it seems she wants little to do with me. I would give anything to connect with her on some level, so the last few interpretations are more about hope than anything else. I’m convinced that if I listen closely enough, I can hear her saying “I love you,” even if her eyes are rolling in classic tween fashion at the same time.
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Summary
Being a parent to a tween can be challenging, especially when communication feels one-sided. By interpreting her responses, we can bridge the gap and maintain a connection, all while navigating the ups and downs of this transitional phase.