Over the past nine years of parenting, I’ve undergone quite the transformation. If New Mom Chloe were to meet Present-Day Me, it might unfold like this:
(knock on the door)
New Mom Chloe: Hi there! Sorry to interrupt, but did you know your child is playing outside all alone? In the front yard?
Present-Day Me: Oh, really? That’s totally fine. We do that all the time!
New Mom Chloe: Really? Aren’t you worried he might run into the street or get, you know, kidnapped or something?
Present-Day Me: Nope! He’s out there all the time. Honestly, I’m more concerned a neighbor might report me. Are you new to the neighborhood?
New Mom Chloe: No, I was just passing by and thought I should check. I mean, what if a big branch falls on him? Or a bee stings him? And I just noticed he isn’t wearing shoes.
Present-Day Me: Yeah, I keep telling him to wear shoes, but you know how 3-year-olds are…
New Mom Chloe: (momentarily speechless)
Present-Day Me: Trust me, he’ll be just fine!
New Mom Chloe: I could sit with him for a bit if you want, until you finish whatever you’re doing.
Present-Day Me: Oh, that’s really not necessary. I’m always busy. Unless you want to move in… just kidding!
New Mom Chloe: (still speechless)
Present-Day Me: You look tired! Want to come inside and take a nap on the couch?
New Mom Chloe: That sounds nice, but I hardly sleep. My baby is teething, so I check on her every two hours.
Present-Day Me: Come on in! I was about to let my 3-year-old watch some TV while I work. Your little one is welcome to join him.
New Mom Chloe: That’s OK. She’s already had her allotted 30 minutes of Sesame Street today. I try not to let her watch too much.
Present-Day Me: (laughs) You’re kidding, right?
New Mom Chloe: Nope! Don’t want to mess her up with too much screen time.
Present-Day Me: Right! (slyly turns off the TV playing a kids’ show that’s been running for hours) I’m heating up some chicken nuggets, but let’s be honest, my 3-year-old will probably end up having chocolate cake for dinner since the big kids will inhale their food. At least he’ll be eating something, right?
New Mom Chloe: (speechless)
Present-Day Me: (to my 6-year-old) Get off the roof of the car!
New Mom Chloe: How many kids do you have?
Present-Day Me: Three! Though it feels like I have 30 some days, it’s a total zoo!
New Mom Chloe: Where’s the other one?
Present-Day Me: Not sure. I should probably go check. I think she’s at a neighbor’s house.
New Mom Chloe: (speechless)
Present-Day Me: Anyway, I have a million things to do—making a call, folding laundry, changing a diaper, figuring out what the 3-year-old wants to eat today, and writing a blog post, sooo, are we done here?
New Mom Chloe: (momentarily speechless) Uh, yeah. Are you sure he’s OK outside alone?
Present-Day Me: If it makes you feel better, I can bring him in. I mean, his brother is out there too, so how bad can it be? (crying starts)
New Mom Chloe: Are you going to check on him?
Present-Day Me: (listens for a moment) That’s not the cry of someone who’s hurt. He’s totally faking it, can’t you tell?
New Mom Chloe: Aren’t you worried? I don’t want to sound paranoid, but I totally am. First-time mom here. (nervous laugh)
Present-Day Me: I get it, sweetie. (gives her a longer hug than usual) It will get easier, I promise. (whispers) Go home and take a nap while you still can, alright?
For more insights on navigating motherhood and home insemination, check out our other blog post here. You can also find valuable information at Make a Mom for all your needs. If you’re exploring options for pregnancy, this resource from ACOG is excellent: Treating Infertility.
In summary, the journey through motherhood can be filled with surprises and challenges. As we grow and adapt, it’s important to find humor and comfort in the chaos of raising children.