For over a year, I witnessed this curious phenomenon almost every night. My childhood was filled with a flurry of activity, and it’s quite possible that my siblings and I were unconsciously vying for attention from our weary, busy parents. With five siblings, standing out was no small feat. Whether it was earning stellar grades, making trouble at school, or even needing medical attention, you had to be creative to be noticed. My sister might have spilled milk, while I had a run-in with the local authorities just before my older sister’s wedding rehearsal. No one was keeping tabs, after all.
Growing up in a large family was both empowering and humbling. If you weren’t managing your own responsibilities, you could be sure no one else would. This meant mastering the washing machine at a young age, pouring your own breakfast cereal, and negotiating rides from older siblings. It was truly survival of the fittest, and while this shaped me into who I am today, it also led me to decide that my first child would be my only one. Here’s how my experiences influenced my choice to close the door after welcoming my first and only child.
Reflecting on My Childhood
My mother would often forget my sister and me (and sometimes a friend or two) every Friday after swimming lessons, leaving us to wait in the school convent. The nuns would serve us warm Diet Coke and brownies while we tried to reach our busy household on the phone. Eventually, one of us would manage to break through and remind her we were still waiting. How could she not notice her two youngest hadn’t come home? After all, she sometimes called me “Whoever You Are” after mixing up our names. To be fair, she was pregnant for what felt like a decade with hardly any breaks in between. It’s a wonder “Pregnancy Brain” didn’t stick around longer!
Creating a Different Experience for My Child
I make it a point to arrive early to every event with snacks and water, ensuring my child never has to wait in a convent like I did—particularly not for warm Diet Coke.
At 14, I took my first flight, and the closest I got to an adventure was a trip to Avalon, New Jersey, instead of Stone Harbor. I dreamed of visiting Disney World while my father would remind me that with six tuition payments, Mickey Mouse was off the table.
In contrast, my daughter, now 4, has already experienced Mexico (twice), Italy (twice), Spain, Australia, and various parts of the United States. She even has an annual pass to Disneyland! If we had another child, our summer would require extra furniture rentals and call it “The Summer House.”
A Different Kind of Treat
Nilla Wafers were a rare delight in my childhood. My mother would buy a box every Sunday, and it would vanish within minutes, leaving us with no more treats for the week.
Now, we discuss ice cream or cupcakes as special Wednesday treats after school. She’ll never have to search my purse for loose candy or baby aspirin the way we used to.
On Parenting Choices
My mother would administer cough medicine to all of us before bed, and we accepted it since it tasted like grape and we were out of treats.
While I might exaggerate my child’s cough to fellow passengers on a long flight, we don’t resort to medication to ensure a peaceful night’s sleep. I understand my mother’s intentions, but I can only imagine how my little liver would have reacted to that concoction if I had siblings to medicate.
Investing Time and Energy
My parents weren’t able to volunteer or engage in school activities simply due to exhaustion. It’s a sentiment I can understand, but I strive to be involved for my child’s sake. I give my all to her school, and while she may roll her eyes, she knows I care and am invested in her success. If I had more than one child, I’d likely be juggling drop-offs in a chaotic mess.
Finding Peace Amidst Family
Growing up, chaos was the norm, and I didn’t realize how much I longed for peace until I was older. My identity was wrapped up in the noise of a big family, but I’ve since realized I prefer quieter moments.
My daughter gets to enjoy time with her cousins during holidays, and it’s been wonderful for her, helping her feel connected to a larger family. She’s even stopped pushing them away, which is a positive sign. If I had multiple children, I might find myself overwhelmed by the very chaos I once thought I loved.
A Loving Choice for Our Family
I’ve experienced much love and companionship, and despite the craziness, I wouldn’t trade my past. We’ve made choices that suit our little family, embracing travel, life in Los Angeles, and providing experiences I never dreamed of as a child. In years to come, who knows? My daughter might just write a book titled “How My Parents Ruined My Life by Making Me an Only Child.” Stay tuned; it promises to be quite the read!
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Summary
In this heartfelt piece, Jenna Thompson shares her experiences growing up in a large family and how those shaped her decision to raise her daughter as an only child. Through comparing her childhood with her daughter’s current life, she highlights the benefits of individual attention, unique experiences, and the freedom to create lasting memories without the chaos of multiple siblings. Ultimately, Jenna embraces her choices while reflecting on the love and companionship that have enriched her life.