The other evening, I overheard a man say, “We are pregnant.” Instantly, I felt a surge of frustration. My cheeks flushed, and my heart raced. It brought back memories of all the times I heard “we” and “our” during my own pregnancy. For me, there was no “we” in that journey—only “me.”
I mean no offense to those who genuinely feel that their partner shared the experience, and I find myself a bit envious of such connections. I wish the term “we” didn’t trigger such a reaction in me, especially since I’m sure the spike in my stress hormones when I heard it wasn’t good for either me or my baby. But I couldn’t help it.
Let’s be real—when has a woman ever said to her friends, “We are having a vasectomy” when her partner goes to get snipped? No way! He’s getting the procedure, not “we.”
This all began one night at dinner when my husband, Mike, proudly announced that he told his coworkers, “We are pregnant.” This was right around the time my clothes stopped fitting—not in a cute baby bump way, but in a “where did my waist go?” sort of way. My socks were cutting off circulation, I was making frequent pit stops to be sick, and I was developing cellulite faster than I could count.
As I chowed down on my Velveeta macaroni and cheese (my go-to three times a week during pregnancy), I calmly told Mike that the only “we” in our pregnancy came when we decided to make the baby. He chuckled, undoubtedly thinking I was joking. But over the following months, I heard “we” repeated time and again! My reactions to his use of “we” ranged from sarcastic remarks to flying objects and even full-blown tears, depending on how my hormones and swollen feet were at the time.
Here are just a few reasons why the phrase “we are pregnant” doesn’t quite fit:
- It wasn’t “WE” who had to avoid alcohol. I was the one going dry for ten months while he enjoyed his drinks.
- WE didn’t cry like a baby when someone finished the last drumstick in the freezer. That was all me.
- It wasn’t “WE” who split the crotch of my favorite pajama pants six months in. That was me.
- WE didn’t have sleepless nights, tossing and turning, or rushing to the bathroom fifteen times overnight. That was all me!
- WE didn’t endure invasive internal exams with doctors who misleadingly said, “You’re going to feel a little pressure.” That was me! (A note to any doctors out there: there’s a big difference between “a little pressure” and feeling like you’re getting a whole hand shoved inside!)
- WE didn’t go from hot to cold in seconds, causing uncontrollable sweat.
- WE didn’t experience social anxiety due to unpredictable gas (not related to pregnancy, at least…).
- WE didn’t have a birth experience that looked like a scene from a horror movie. I went through it while he watched.
- Similarly, WE didn’t push something the size of a watermelon out of something that used to be the size of a grape.
- And after all that, WE didn’t see our once decent-looking breasts shrink to what resemble little raisins. That was me.
Yes, we now have a beautiful baby together, but I was the one who was pregnant!
If you’re interested in more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this post on intracervical insemination. For more information about at-home insemination kits, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource. Also, you might find helpful insights on infertility as you navigate this journey.
Summary:
In this candid reflection, the author shares her experience with pregnancy and addresses the common phrase “we are pregnant,” emphasizing the unique challenges and experiences that women face during this time. While acknowledging that some couples feel they share the journey, the author humorously lists reasons why pregnancy feels like a solo endeavor.