When it comes to parenting, I view myself as a competent mother. While I hesitate to label myself as “excellent,” I recognize my human limitations—I cannot always be fully engaged, present, or cheerful for my child as often as I aspire to be. However, I must admit that my partner, Alex, is a far superior parent than I am.
Alex never resorts to screen time as a distraction; he consistently engages our child with toys and books. He takes the time to prepare nutritious meals instead of allowing our little one to rely solely on snacks like milk and applesauce. His dedication to our daughter’s bedtime routine is unwavering; he reads multiple books and plays her favorite games with her until she’s ready to settle down.
When Alex spends time with her, he is completely attentive, never distracted by his phone. He never hesitates to walk to the park, and he joyfully pushes her on the swings for as long as she desires. Unlike me, he never opts for convenience when it comes to meals—he prefers to prepare healthy options rather than resorting to fast food.
Alex displays remarkable patience when our toddler insists on walking independently during our outings, even if it takes much longer. He embodies the type of parent I envisioned being when I was pregnant. He is the person I aim to emulate in my parenting journey.
Yet, I must acknowledge the reality that I am not that parent. I play the role of primary caregiver, spending more hours with our child than Alex, who gets the highlight moments in the evenings and weekends. I navigate the daily grind of morning routines, long stretches before naptime, and the challenge of preparing multiple meals. I endure the tantrums and chaotic playdates.
This acknowledgment is not intended to diminish Alex’s contributions; he is an exceptional father. Our daughter is fortunate to have such a wonderful role model who is kind, patient, and engaging.
This reflection serves as a reminder to avoid setting unattainable standards for myself. I shouldn’t compare my experience to his, as our situations are not the same. We are different individuals with unique strengths. He possesses energy, motivation, and enthusiasm, while I often grapple with fatigue, feelings of inadequacy, and the need to reset my expectations.
I am a good mother, and he is a good father. Together, we provide our daughter with everything she needs—whether it’s the stability, affection, and discussions about emotions she receives from me, or the fun, adventures, and strong values that come from Alex.
Our parenting styles don’t need to mirror each other. What works for me may not work for him. Instead of envying his dedication, I will focus on appreciating the experiences our daughter shares with him. I will strive for a bit more patience each day and remind myself that it’s okay to relax and enjoy moments like cuddling up for another episode of her favorite show.
And honestly, we both deserve those breaks.
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Summary:
In the journey of parenting, I’ve recognized that while I see myself as a capable mother, my partner excels in many aspects of parenting. His engagement, patience, and dedication set a high standard that I admire. By acknowledging our different strengths and circumstances, I strive to appreciate our unique contributions to our child’s upbringing while allowing myself the grace to be imperfect.