Updated: November 8, 2018
Originally Published: April 14, 2016
In the summer of 1974, when I was just 9 years old, my mornings began by 7:30 a.m. I was either out of the house or busy doing chores assigned by my dad, Big Jerry—whether that meant raking leaves, mowing the lawn, digging holes, or washing the family car. Fast forward to this summer, and I find myself sneaking out of the house on my way to work, trying not to wake my children, who will likely sleep until 11 a.m. They might lazily tackle a few chores from the list I left on the kitchen counter, or they could just munch on stale snacks from their rooms and completely ignore the list.
It feels like parenting today is a raw deal. When did we start worrying so much about our children’s happiness, safety, or popularity? I can assure you that Ginny and Big Jerry weren’t spending their time fretting over my brother and me being “fulfilled.” Big Jerry was busy working extra hours to bolster his retirement savings, while Ginny double-bolted the door to keep us out of the house, all while chatting on the phone and smoking.
Meanwhile, my brother and I were often wandering three neighborhoods away, mingling with kids we’d just met, and crossing busy highways on our bikes, probably with semi-flat tires. Odds were high that one of us had taken a tumble somewhere along the way. No one batted an eye. We were just kids, expected to either be free labor or simply get out of the house.
I believe the same “woman with too little to do,” who thought it was necessary to give 4-year-olds party favors at birthday parties, is the same one who convinced us that we should cater to our kids rather than the other way around. Remember Halloween costumes back then? If you were lucky, your mom would cut eye holes in an old sheet, and you’d be a ghost. If a friend arrived early, you’d end up with one eye hole bigger than the other, and you’d be lucky if you didn’t run into something while trying to see. I even witnessed my cousin run smack into a parked car while wearing a poorly constructed ghost costume. Contrast that with my son’s custom-made clown outfit, complete with grease paint and a fancy hat—courtesy of his grandmother, who spent more on that than my prom dress.
Over the past couple of decades, the focus has shifted. Parents are now getting the old clunkers while their kids are living like rock stars. We pour money into private lessons, the best sports gear, and demanding competition schedules. I’m as guilty as anyone—spending over $300 on baseball bats instead of investing in retirement, racing between AAU games and dance competitions. Remember Hank Aaron? He didn’t need a fancy bat to succeed. The truth is, your kid isn’t going pro, and neither is mine, yet we seem to be oblivious to our own financial futures.
Think back to your childhood—who handled the housework and yard work? You did! Often, that was one of the reasons people had kids in the first place. My mother supervised indoor chores, and we scrambled to clean up before Dad got home. Now, it seems the cleaning lady and landscaping crew do the work, while most teens have never even mowed a lawn.
These days, kids are so busy with school and activities that they hardly have time to work. I don’t think my father even knew my birthday until about a decade ago! We were expected to manage our social lives and school challenges without parental intervention. If a classmate insulted me, my mom wasn’t going to call their mom for a sit-down; I figured it out myself.
Gone are the days of having to deal with the consequences of our actions while learning valuable life lessons. High school was a testing ground for adulthood, where we learned the importance of earning our keep. Now, teens drive cars that even adults can’t afford and don’t even pay for them with their own money.
I tell my kids that the best stories from my youth involve beat-up cars and wild adventures. They pale in comparison to the tales of kids today who cruise in shiny SUVs, filled with gas they didn’t pay for. Most of them head off to college unprepared for the realities of job hunting and adulthood.
While we all love our kids and want them to be happy, I worry that we’re depriving them of the learning experiences that shape capable, responsible adults. The nice things we had as teenagers came from our hard-earned money, while today’s youth seem to receive everything on a silver platter.
In the end, it’s essential for children to learn the value of delayed gratification. They need to understand that the things worth having require effort and perseverance. The lessons we learned, even when we didn’t realize it, are what shaped us into problem solvers and independent thinkers. Today, though, it seems our kids have their parents on speed dial instead of facing challenges head-on.
If you’re interested in delving further into the intricacies of parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, and consider exploring this page for more insights into the journey of home insemination. For couples navigating these waters, Make a Mom offers authoritative guidance.
Summary:
Contemporary parenting often seems to prioritize children’s comfort and happiness over teaching them life skills. This shift has led to a generation of kids who are unprepared for adulthood and lack a strong sense of responsibility. As we strive to provide for our children, we must also ensure they understand the value of hard work and the importance of facing challenges independently.